The Maelstrom of the Apocalypse

*Chapter 1*: Prologue

Prologue: Immortal and mentally unstable demons get a first person view of being born. Also, the third is dying from paperwork.

O. O. O.

This story is rated M for language!

O. O. O.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

It was time. Trihexa was ready. He had finally gathered enough energy, two hundred years after God sealed away his power. He had been absurdly lucky – a single line had been out of place, and it resulted in him having almost all of his powers removed and forcing him to take his human form. After all, sealing is a volatile art, more so when the one being sealed is immensely powerful. He had decided to wait and gather energy, so he could force himself into the Dimensional Gap without needing to use his sealed away teleportation abilities and free the rest of his power. Now, two hundred years after God's death and the end of the Great War, he would finally be able to return to the throne of the underworld as its true ruler.

Of course, things rarely, if ever, go to plan.

O. O. O.

"What the hell?" Trihexa was worried now. He was definitely not in the Dimensional gap – in fact, he had no idea where he had ended up. The only things he could sense were the weird smells, the darkness and the tiny crack of light that was getting bigger and…

Wait…

"Don't tell me I'm getting pushed out of someone's womb!" Of course, Trihexa, originally being a primordial entity was more "materialized", if that was what having a consciousness suddenly appear was called, but he had studied on his biology back when he was still a child. When he had first learned about it, Trihexa was beyond glad that he would never have to experience it, but it seemed like Fate decided to get revenge on him today.

"Honestly, it wasn't like I wanted to beat that wrinkly old hag at poker, but noo, I had to get those aces in my hand" Trihexa sulked

Getting back to the problem at hand, Trihexa was trying to remember a way to selectively lose his memory. He had heard about how babies could never remember their birth, and now wished that he could have that godlike ability now.

But hold on! More things were now happening He could now see his mother? Birther? More clearly now. She was a rather attractive woman with long red hair and a headband with a weird symbol on it. On the other side of his face was most likely his father. Bright yellow hair, with shining blue eyes and the same headband that was on his mother. Both decided to smile down at him at that moment.

"Aww, Naruto-kun is so cute!" The red one giggled as she held him in her arms.

"Oi! Let me hold him for a moment!" The yellow one looked offended. Sadly, he would not be able to hold his son as right at that moment, a man wearing a zebra striped mask came rushing through, stunning the new parents as he grabbed Trihexa and seemingly teleported away to the forest.

"Unhand me you filthy mongrel!" Trihexa tried to shout, but it came out as a garbled "Ughamafimagal!" The zebra mask man looked down at him for a moment, before coming to a decision and hit a pressure point at the back of his neck, knocking him out.

And Trihexa knew no more.

O. O. O.

When Trihexa awoke, it was to the sound of water dripping in a sewer. He was knees deep in water.

"Hold on, wasn't I a baby just a moment ago? Also, since when did I speak Japanese? Oh, wait, the gift of tongues. But why am I in a sewer?" He looked around. "Oh. Oh God no. Nonononononono. Do not tell me my mindscape is a fucking sewer!" The water decided at that moment to splash onto his face, as if mocking him. "Dammit God! I know I was the cause of your death, but you did not have to turn my mind into a sewer! I'm not even a pervert!" With nowhere else to go, Trihexa started walking forwards, all the while ranting about how God was a douche and Fate being a bitch. The tunnel slowly got brighter, until he made it to a massive hallway with vertical bars that looked suspiciously like a jail cell.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLEEP." A nine-tailed fox of epic proportions loomed up and out of the darkness of the cell. This was the Kyuubi, the legendary Nine-tailed Fox of legends.

"And God did not need to kick me in the fucking balls when we were at the casino just because I tried to cheat the system a bit, and…" Trihexa kept on ranting in front of the Kyuubi's cage.

"Do NOT ignore me, insolent brat!" The Kyuubi did not take being ignored well.

"…And Fate didn't need to punch me every time we met. I swear, for a wrinkly old lady she definitely knows how to hurt somebody with her fist…"

"Brat?"

"…Bloody Michael, always trying to eat my food. All my food. Then there's Gabriel. Oh no. Do not get me started on the ultimate cock-tease of heaven. What was God thinking, making such a woman so clueless…"

"Stupid ningen are all so idiotic…"

"Who are you to call me a pathetic human?" The Kyuubi had never felt so threatened in his eternal life before. Never before had he been spoken to like that. If anyone had dared to do that to him, those fools would have been destroyed instantly. However, there was something stopping him from utterly incinerating the thing that stood before him, and it was not the seal. It was an emotion, and one that the Kyuubi had felt before, just not from himself. The revelation was startling.

The Kyuubi was afraid. The mountain-sized beast made of pure chakra, with the power to demolish entire countries, was afraid.

"N-now that I have your attention, please tell me who you are." The Kyuubi attempted to hide his fear, and managed to succeed to a degree.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself and what you're doing in my mind first, you overgrown bunny rabbit." Trihexa asked. After all, were people not supposed to introduce themselves first before asking someone else to?

"I am the almighty Kyuubi, NOT a bunny rabbit."

"But you have large ears just like a bunny rabbit!" Trihexa protested.

"I am the destroyer of life. I am the crusher of mountains. I am a being of destruction! AND I AM NOT A FUCKING BUNNY RABBIT!"

"Being of destruction?" The Kyuubi shrugged at that. It was what some people had called him right before they were crushed underneath his paws, but he had to admit that it fit him pretty well.

"Heh. It looks like this is the start of a beautiful partnership." Trihexa smirked.

"How come?"

"Because where I came from, I was known as the Beast of the Apocalypse. The ultimate entity, the one with the power to end all of existence. I was known as 666, and my name is Trihexa"

O. O. O.

Hiruzen Sarutobi groaned. Why did everything have to happen in the same week? First of all, his son Asuma just decided leave Konoha and join the twelve guardians. Then Kushina got much harder to deal with since she was nearing childbirth, causing an endless amount of headaches for him. Then when little Naruto was born, a masked Uchiha who introduced himself as Madara decided to break Kushina's seal, summoning the Kyuubi. Of course, he wasn't the real Madara. The real one was long dead (as far as he knew). Minato then just had to sacrifice himself to seal the Kyuubi into his newborn baby "for the good of the village". Why could he not have thought of the good of the elderly (Hiruzen himself)?

"He just wanted to pawn all the paperwork onto me, didn't he?" The newly reinstated Third Hokage muttered.

"Did you say something, Hokage-sama?" Hiruzen moaned pitifully at the title. He had retired once already for Kami's sake! He did not need to become the Hokage again!

"Please, go on" The Hokage grumbled. And now, he was in a meeting to discuss what to do with young Naruto. Could the civilians not see that Naruto is not the fox?

"Ehm, so as I was saying, I, and the other members of the esteemed council, are requesting for the demon to be put down." A certain pink haired council member was saying.

"Denied." The response was immediate

"WHAT! BUT THAT DEMON HAS KILLED SO MANY! HE NEEDS TO HAVE JUSTICE DONE TO HIM!" The civilians all started shouting about how the demon would kill them all if it was left alone. All the shinobi in the council grimaced, while Shikaku Nara uttered a single "troublesome". If that banshee were any louder, everyone's eardrums would actually explode with the force of a thousand Gai's.

"Just shut up already, I want to fucking sleep and get rid of this blasted headache!" Hiruzen roared. Everyone was stunned into silence. Not only had the "soft" Hokage blatantly denied someone, he actually swore!

"*cough cough*. Moving on," The Third cleared his throat, "Danzo, what is it that you wish to say."

"Ah yes, I wish for the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki to be placed under my care. With time, I can turn the boy into a-"

"Denied." Of course, Hiruzen knew about root not being disbanded, even when the Yondaime ordered it to happen. However, there was nothing he could do to it, not without enough proof. And Danzo was smart enough to not let anything slip.

"If there is nothing else to say, I will be ending this meeting now. I will deal with the matter of Naruto myself."

"But-"

"I said if there is nothing else, I will end this meeting immediately." The Third flared his Killing Intent. Most of the civilians were gasping for air, a few shinobi had started to breathe heavily, and Danzo was wide eyed in shock.

"Heh, I think he forgot I could still do this." Hiruzen smirked to himself. There was a reason he was known as the second "God of Shinobi" after all.

"Everyone but the people who wished to see me after may leave now."

Once the others had left, he made a few hand signs and put the privacy seals back up.

"You had something to say?" He asked Hiashi Hyuuga.

"Indeed. Now that the civilians have left, I wish to talk about Naruto's adoption."

"Hmm?" This was interesting. Some of the shinobi clans wanted to adopt the boy?

"Yup! Unlike those idiots, we know that Minato was the boy's father." Tsume Inuzuka continued. "Kuromaru and I got a whiff of his scent, and it smells way too similar to both the Fourth and Kushina's scent for it to be a coincidence. So we put two and two together, and got to the obvious conclusion."

"Well, if you know that much, you should know that Minato wished for Naruto to live a normal life." The Sandaime explained.

"What? But-"

"No buts. Naruto will be sent to the orphanage, and when he turns eight, I will give him an apartment and a monthly allowance, while enrolling him in the academy. However, I would not be opposed to having some "lucky" events happen to him, if you get what I mean…"

"Of course! Naruto will always be allowed in our restaurants for free!" Chouza Akamichi laughed. Hiruzen smiled. No matter what, he could always count on the Clan Leaders to help him through hard times. Unlike those "Advisors"...

"And there goes my good mood" He sulked.

"Well then, we should all go to sleep now. We have a long day ahead of us rebuilding the village, and we all need some rest." He chuckled. His good mood was back now, since he was distracted from the paperwork that would certainly come from the rebuilding of Konoha.

"Rip." A chibi version of him started bawling in his mind.

"Hai, Hokage sama!" The Clan Heads chanted in unison, before they all jumped out of a window. Except Shikaku. He just muttered a single, quiet "Troublesome" and walked out the door.

"At least the door still has a use."

O. O. O.

Deep below the Hokage tower, an Anbu with a blank mask reported to his superior.

"So, Hiruzen wants the boy to have a normal life. Well then, we will just have to see what happens…Kukukukukukuku..." Danzo trailed off as he began to laugh ominously. Orochimaru would be proud of his business partner. Very proud.

O. O. O.

Back in the realm of Heaven, in the DxD universe, Michael felt a massive amount of power flare up. It was an extremely familiar energy signature. In fact, could it be…?

"Lord Michael! We have just detected a large amount of energy appearing out of nowhere! What do we do?" Michael sighed. The newer generation of angels were such a disappointment.

"Ignore it and get back to work." Michael sighed again.

"What would you do if you were in my place…uncle Trihexa?"

O. O. O.

In the underworld, a certain Lucifer-in-training was doing what his name suggest; that is, training, when he felt the power surge and stumbled.

"Lord Zekram, what was that?" Sirzechs Gremory asked in a panicked manner. Hopefully it wasn't the Old Satan Faction plotting a way to kill him and end the civil war in their favor.

"Nothing to worry yourself child. Nothing at all…" Zekram Bael smiled as he gripped a pendant inside his robes.

A pendant given to him by his lord, the one true Satan, and the real ruler of the underworld.

Trihexa.

O. O. O.

*Chapter 2*: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Evil schemes, dead people, time skips, ninja academy and THE LOG!

O. O. O.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story. The Log belongs to Third Fang.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

1 year later:

The night was pitch black. Masked ninja, covered in shadows, were roaming the village. Old men in funny hats were calculating the exact amount of chakra required to incinerate the mountain made of the true demons of hell. Unseen by all, a Man, clothed in darkness, holding a sinister curved blade, was sneaking into the Hokage tower. He travelled stealthily through the masses of dormant paperwork, slowly making his way towards his goal.

A closed room.

The Man opened the door, making nary a sound. He stared down with narrowed eyes as he finally reached his target. A tiny boy, with eyes the color of electricity and golden blond hair, some ending in blood red tips. He was seemingly asleep while hugging a pillow as if it were the only thing keeping him alive. The Evil Man had a small grin, which quickly grew until it became a psychotic smirk. The Demented Evil Man giggled in a very deranged way, before hoarsely whispering the words that have, and will continue haunting innocent little children for centuries to come, and one not so innocent duck-haired Uchiha.

"I'vve got you nowww…Kukukukukukukukuku!" The Pedophilic Demented Evil Man cackled as he finally plunged the twisted knife into the little boy's heart.

But of course, Trihexa was no normal little boy, now was he?

With a fluidity that would catch all but the most experienced jounin off guard, Trihexa opened his eyes, formed the seal of confrontation, summoned a single adamantine chain out of his chest and made it pierce the heart of the now Dead Pedophilic Demented Evil Man. (A/N: Whose name is now The Man, because I do not want to write the evil name anymore. Why did I write it? Blame my friends…) Trihexa then made the chain wrap around The Man's head and neck, before brutally snapping it off. All this happened within the time it took for a certain funny hat wearing old man to blink…

O. O. O.

"Was someone talking about me?" Said old man asked as he blinked.

"Also, why do I have the feeling that something bad is happening?" No one answered except the Paperwork, who decided to send one of its duplicates down from an unseen shelf.

"Noo…There's more..." The victim cried sad tears.

O. O. O.

Trihexa disposed of the body of his would-be assassin while panting a bit, before going back into his mindscape.

"Well done. That person was killed within half the time of the last assassin." Kurama chuckled.

"It isn't like I don't practice, Kurama." Trihexa knew the name of the Kyuubi. He told Trihexa what it was before they decided to figure some things out a year ago…

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"So can you tell me where the hell are we?" Trihexa curiously asked.

"I thought you knew we were in your mindscape."

"I don't mean this place. I meant where we were before my mindscape." Trihexa corrected.

"I see. We are in a village of shinobi, called Konoha, in the Land of Fire, within the middle of the Elemental Nations." Kurama informed him.

"Oh!"

"Oh?"

"I have no idea where any of the places you said are." The Kyuubi facefaulted. Trihexa, apparently unfazed, decided to continue. "However, do you know where the Elemental Nations are in relation to say, China, or Japan, or maybe Europe?"

"Huh?"

"Do not tell me you don't know where these places are!"

"As far as I know, the places you just said do not exist."

"WHAT?" Trihexa was stunned, and the Kyuubi continued to speak.

"I have circled the entire world multiple times and have traveled through different places, and not once have I heard the ningen talk about a country called China, Japan, or Europe (A/N: I know it's not a country, but the Kyuubi does not)."

"But for them to not exist, that would mean…No. NO. FUCKING. WAY." Trihexa was not stupid. He could not have been if he managed to rule a land full of unruly, sinful devils for millennia. That said, Trihexa managed to connect the dots quite quickly. "I didn't gather a shortage of energy and fail to get to the Dimensional Gap like I first thought. I gathered too much and pushed myself past it. So much so that I completely went out of my own universe, and into another one! Wow Fate, wow God, you guys just had to make me go to a completely different universe. Ophis and Great Red too; you two didn't even try to help me slow down!"

"What are you talking about?"

"So it turns out, Kurama, that I am actually a Dimension Jumper. Well, more than I usually am, anyways."

"Huh?"

"Yup. I am a being with the power to end the world, from another universe altogether, sent here because SOME people are scrubs! Great, am I right?"

"Huh?"

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"I mean, what I did is supposed to be impressive, considering I'm only one year old physically right now." Trihexa continued, unaware of the Flashback no jutsu.

"Yeah yeah, you're amazing, blah blah blah…" Kurama grumbled.

"Meanie." The one year old pouted.

"Whatever, just leave now. I want to sleep."

"Fine. Dumb rabbit…" Trihexa muttered under his breath.

Back in the real world, the one-year-old Trihexa opened his eyes, to see the worried face of the Sandaime Hokage looking at him. He blinked. Hiruzen blinked.

"Bwa?" Trihexa, now Naruto Uzumaki, uttered a questioning sound. Of course, he couldn't start speaking like an adult when he was still an infant, so he created a different persona. It was his seventh one, the others being his serious, insane, stupid, confident and stupid, sleepy, and bloodthirsty ones. The "infant/child" persona, where he acts like a baby or a child. The ploy worked on the aged Hokage, who immediately picked Naruto up and rocked him from side to side while smiling gently. Soon however, Naruto got bored of doing nothing, and decided to fall "asleep". The Hokage placed him back onto the bed, before covering him up with the pink blankets.

"It seems like my gut feeling was wrong, and thank Log for that." The Sandaime muttered. Little did he know that Trihexa was still partially awake, and managed to catch the old man thanking the Log.

"Muahahahahahahahahaha!" Trihexa cackled gleefully as he made a new idea for the ultimate prank, while Kurama sweatdropped inside the seal.

O. O. O.

3 years later:

Trihexa – or Naruto now – was running around the village at 10 P.M. while being chased by a massive horde of a few hundred civilians holding kitchen knives, pots and pans, and the occasional kunai. There were also a decent amount of genin and chunin, with a few special and normal jounin in the mix. Of course, several Anbu, including Naruto's favorite one, followed them: Inu, whose real name was Kakashi Hatake. He was the only surviving student of the Yondaime Hokage, or Naruto's father. The way Naruto found out confidential information? Simple.

Firstly, break into the Hokage's office – via the window – while he and his Anbu guards were away.

Then, find out what the Hokage likes i.e. his Icha Icha novels and his secret stash of smoking herbs and sake.

Next, smash, rip and burn all of it to shards and shreds, stick the remains into a storage seal, before hiding it near a dangerous part of the village (the secret kunoichi-only hot springs). Write a note saying where the guilty pleasures are and place it on the Hokage's desk.

When he comes back, he will see the note and rush out to find his things. Then he will see them all demolished, and he will cry for an estimated half an hour.

Finally, profit! Thus, Naruto had access to all the confidential documents in the village. Now, how did Naruto get past all of the privacy and alarm seals?

It's a secret!

Now back to the plot. (Or is it?)

An army of angry, stupid and clearly drunk civilians and shinobi rushed at the escaping boy in a frantic attempt to catch and kill him. Obviously, this was not going the way they wanted. A squad of Anbu were knocking them out one by one. However, it was taking a while. There were too many people to take out quickly and without any casualties, and some of the Jounin were helping to stall them. A few Anbu were even trying to slow down the rate at which they attacked, to give the horde more time. Of course, they could not join in. They were Anbu. The professionals who did whatever the Hokage said. So when the Sandaime Hokage ordered them to stop the riot, they did just that. He just didn't specify how much they needed to actually try.

However, despite all the high-level shinobi helping the rioters, they still couldn't catch Naruto. Even though he looked – and technically was only a four-year-old mischief-maker, it didn't mean his mind was four. He was quite a number of millennia old, even though most of that time was spent sleeping and meditating. Thus, it stands that Trihexa would know tons of ways to manipulate internal energy. Chakra was no different.

Of course, he still thought it was bullshit that devils used their imagination as the source of their magical prowess. Thankfully, nearly all the devils had little to no imagination in how they do things. Oh sure, a super smart devil might accidentally use it to create a solution to their problem…

O. O. O.

Somewhere in the underworld, Ajuka Astaroth sneezed onto Serafall Sitri, causing the young female to get mad at the unfortunate boy. A flash freeze later, and the now neutered Astaroth fainted. At least he had Phenex tears on hand.

O. O. O.

… But for the most part, devils were an unimaginative and stubborn race. There was an outlier, though. Zekram Bael, the first Devil that wasn't a primordial being. He was created for the sole purpose of being someone equal to the Great Three: Ophis, Great Red and Trihexa. Obviously, it did not work, but he did come close, being on par with God when the deity was at his base form.

So, Naruto knew the basics of how to channel and shape chakra. His next step was to strengthen his body. As far as he knew from observing the shinobi around him, it was fairly similar to the chakra that youkai used. Climbing up walls and walking on water…

What would his Jesus say if he saw these young kids walking on water like he did? Probably congratulate them and give them some candy from Gabriel's not-so-secret stash.

…However, unlike the youkai, the ninja needed to use hand signs to channel chakra when outside the body. With that in mind, Naruto set about experimenting with his new "Shinobi Chakra Reserves". (As opposed to his "Youkai Chakra Reserves"). He knew he could create chakra chains, but that was about it. Later, he figured out that the reason ninja used hand signs when casting jutsu was because they were not as able to control chakra as youkai, and because the chakra in this world was less stable, meaning it disperses quite a bit faster when outside the body. To counteract that, he had Kurama constantly push some bijuu chakra into him. It helped make his own chakra much more stable, and had the added benefit of rapidly increasing his reserves. Now his chakra had twice the potency of normal Uzumaki chakra, yet he still had insane chakra reserves. Using it, Naruto managed to transfer a lot of it into his legs, making him run faster than the chunin behind him. He also pushed chakra into the floor, making it rumble and shake, making multiple civilians fall over. Not even the jounin could catch up to him, since they had to dodge piles of falling villagers and make sure they didn't to fall either. That, and because the Anbu were still attacking.

Naruto rapidly found the Hokage tower, and charged straight into it. He jumped over the chunin guards, slammed up the stairs, making quite a few of them crumble, and barreled through the screaming secretary and into the Hokage's office, where he quickly jumped into Hiruzen's arms.

"Hey Jiji!"

"Hello, Naruto-kun. What brings you here today?" The elder of the two asked.

"Can't I just come in and see you?" Naruto whined. The third chuckled a bit, and they sat there in silence.

After a few minutes, the Sandaime had to get back to his paperwork and needed Naruto to leave. However, before he did, Hiruzen had a question to ask.

"Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to be a ninja?"

O. O. O.

6 years after the Kyuubi attack, Academy year 1:

Sunlight filtered into an apartment room. A six-year-old Naruto yawned, gently opened his eyes, and woke up. He brushed his teeth and washed his face. Then, he ran outside as quickly as possible towards the direction of Ichiraku Ramen. Why?

Naruto. Ramen. It's obvious.

"Hey, money-" SMACK "-Naruto!" Teuchi Ichiraku shouted as his daughter, Ayame, smacked him with her ladle.

"What have I told you about calling Naruto money?"

"Umm… Don't?"

"Exactly! Well done!" Ayame smiled gently. It was the smile that all beings of the less refined gender knew brought pain and misery to whoever is on the other side. "What would you like today Naruto?" Ayame turned back to Money.

"Get me a Naruto special, Naruto size!" The ultimate customer enthusiastically replied.

"Naruto special, coming right up!" Teuchi shouted as he and Ayame got back to work.

The first time Naruto came to Ichiraku Ramen was around year ago. He needed targets for a prank, so he decided to go to as many restaurants as possible and prank all the ones that decide to kick him out. However, when he got to Ichiraku Ramen, instead of a lot of shouting, screaming and running, the owners let him in. They didn't just let him inside and get him to buy something though. They looked at the young five-year-old boy, who was coincidentally the Jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi, and decided, "No one wants to feed this poor scrap of a kid, so we might as well do something about it". Then they gave Naruto a free bowl of miso ramen. One slurp was all it took to convince the primordial entity that ramen was truly designed to be the food of the gods. From that day on, Naruto always went to the ramen shop for food.

On a side note, for some reason, all Akimichi-owned restaurants let him eat free. He had no idea why, but Naruto suspected it was the Hokage's doing.

"Here's your ramen. Have a nice first day at the academy!" The two ramen chefs smiled and waved to Naruto, who was already in the middle of packing the ramen into several takeaway boxes.

"See ya!" Naruto saluted as he ran back to his apartment.

When he got back home, he looked at the ramen wistfully for a few minutes. Then he dispelled. The real Naruto got the information, and ran towards his apartment.

From training ground 44, the forest of death.

O. O. O.

When Naruto was two, the Hokage sent him to the orphanage. They kicked him out in less than half a year. The toddler Naruto then wandered the village for a few days. He did not need to sleep. He was practically a deity, and gods rarely ever slept. Unless you were Hypnos. Then you rarely ever stopped sleeping.

After three days, Naruto stumbled upon a fence. On it was the following.

"Training ground 44. Warning: Do Not Enter"

"Well, it doesn't seem like it wants me to enter." Naruto commented.

"You're going to enter, aren't you?" Kurama deadpanned.

"Who do you think I am, a four year old child?"

"No. I think you are a two year old infant."

"Bah! Details." Naruto waved his hand dismissively. He summoned a single chain out of his hand and stabbed it into a tree, before using it as a grappling hook. He then stuck out his other hand and made another chain, before swinging across the forest canopy like a crazy monkey.

"Kurama, look at me! I'm a crazy monkey!"

"I can see. Except I can't, because I'm looking out of your eyes."

"Shut up."

"Hisssssssssss"

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Naruto was on guard. Something was around him. Something dangerous. Maybe it was one of those thirty-meter long anacondas he saw while swinging across the forest.

"Mmm, cooked snake would be delicious. Not that I really need to eat. I figured that out a year ago. But still, food tastes nice." Those were Naruto's thoughts as he slowly turned around.

His second thoughts were "Holy shit it's a koala! I thought they only existed in Australia in my universe!"

His final thought was "Wait. If this is a koala…then what's the hissing noise?" He would have had more thoughts, but it was at that point in time that the koala…Exploded.

O. O. O.

In a certain rocky village, a young blond haired boy started laughing insanely, causing the civilians to point in his direction while slowly walking backwards. However, the boy forgot to concentrate on his "art" while he was laughing, and it detonated…in a fiery blast that sent the boy through the sky.

"This is real art! Un." Deidara shouted as he flew through the air.

O. O. O.

When Naruto woke up, it was to the sight of a red tower six stories tall. He groaned, feeling the pain his body sustained in the blast. Slowly, the one blond boy that doesn't look like a Yamanaka in Konoha picked himself up and started limping his way towards the tower in front of him. He opened up one of the red doors and slipped inside. There was a large, empty concrete room, with some banners depicting various tools hanging on the side. Towards the front was a poem on some heaven and earth crap that looked like it belonged in a classroom. In the two corners that were closest to the door, were two staircases that lead to the upper floors (Because a staircase would totally not do that). There were also two doorways that most likely connected to the center of the tower.

Slowly, Naruto hobbled his way towards the center of the tower. It took him quite a few minutes to reach it though, since the tower was rather large. He stepped up and onto the tiny podium that looked like it could only fit a single person, in the middle of what looked to be a large meeting room, recreational room, and emergency medical center. The two year old scrutinized the room, trying to plan his next move.

He did not get time to do anything else.

A large seal underneath the toddler flared up suddenly, before the podium Naruto was just standing on started to lower itself like one of those magical moving platforms the devils developed a while ago. It slowly sank until it hit the rocky floor below. In the darkness, Naruto could barely see anything.

Then the lights turned on, and little Naruto gasped, frowned a bit, before smiling so much he almost looked like the man who had attempted to kill him a year ago. In front of him was a medium sized room, comparable to the first one he first saw in the tower above him. It was not the surroundings, however, that got the attention of the now cackling blond. No, it was actually an open scroll on a pedestal ahead of him.

At the top of the scroll was the Konohagakure emblem, a leaf with a spiral within. There was the spiral by itself next to it as well. It was interesting; however, it was the words that really got the boy's attention.

Dear relative/descendant,

If you are reading this, that means either you are of Uzumaki blood or someone of it has let you in. If you are of Uzumaki descent and was not let in by another of my kin, then please read on. If you are not, then you probably cannot read this anyways. Naruto had a questioning frown on his face. Uzumaki? He knew it was his family name, but other than that, nothing came up. Could it be a clan…?

The place you are now at is my private training ground. It allows one to train any manner of techniques, with privacy and strength seals so strong it would take a Bijuudama to break through. There are living quarters for people who want to live here, a kitchen, and a living room. There is also a library with every single jutsu I have found, and more on taijutsu, kenjutsu, and everything else related to shinobi. Finally, there exists a special area filled with tips and tricks on becoming the best. (Hashirama made me do it. He said, "Everyone wants to be a shinobi, so you need to put every single tip into the library".) There are also many secrets here in this place, which are all stated in one of the books in the library.

Finally, there is a massive sealing array here, and in the tower above. This allows for quick movement between rooms, and it stops unauthorized people from coming in. It matches people by DNA and chakra signature, so if one changes, then you have to add those changes. More detail is given in the "How to use the tower" area of the library, along with all the secrets one needs to use this place and the tower above with maximum efficiency.

Good luck on your journey through life!

Mito Uzumaki, princess of the Uzumaki clan and wife of the First Hokage.

By the end of the note, Naruto's smirk was so wide it looked like his face had been cut through with a knife. If one were to strain their ears, they would also be able to hear insane giggling coming from him. His joy was justified, however. A massive underground complex that only he could enter, with living quarters and a library containing almost everything a shinobi could need? And a training room so strong it would take a bijuu level attack to break through?

"It seems too good to be true." Kurama was not convinced.

"So?"

"…I give up."

"But still, this is amazing! It's every training freaks dream!"

"So you're admitting you're a training freak?"

"Well… At least I'm better than that spandex wearing weirdo. I swear, his eyebrows must be secretly caterpillars!"

"…Why must you speak the truth?"

O. O. O.

From that day on, Naruto lived in his new home. The first thing he did was explore the underground complex and the tower. He found all the secret entrances and every single nook and cranny that could be spotted. Naruto then customized the seals so that only he could enter, using the very convenient "settings" part of the seal. Finally, he got to work researching about his clan and looking at the tips for being a shinobi. After all, if you wanted to be a ninja, you're either a good one, or you're a dead/tortured one, and Naruto certainly did not want to die or get tortured.

O. O. O.

First day of the Academy… Again:

The real Naruto grabbed his Ramen and slurped it up in one great gulp, vegetables and all.

"I still do not know how you do that, and I pray I never do." Kurama muttered.

"Oi, fuzzbutt. Shut up. Can't you see I'm trying to enjoy my ramen?" Naruto demanded irritably.

"Enjoy? All I'm seeing is several buckets worth of ramen going down a vacuum cleaner in an instant. I don't think you can even digest that much in a week!"

"But it's raaammmeeennnn." Said vacuum cleaner whined.

"…Just go to that useless ninja academy before you are late."

"Fine, you ramen hating heretic."

Naruto ordered all his shadow clones in the underground training area to keep going, and to listen to the "leader" clone that would be going back, via his patented "Shadow clone memory transfer jutsu", which creates and destroys a shadow clone so instantaneously that the chakra goes back to the creator and all the clones receive the commands.

After doing that, Naruto threw the plastic ramen boxes in the bin and started running in the direction of the academy, which was on the other side of the village. It was suspected that the civilian council voted for him to live far away, so Anbu couldn't get to him in time if Naruto had an "accident". It backfired when Naruto never went to his apartment, only sending a shadow clone there to keep up appearances. Therefore, rather of risking Naruto's life, the apartment instead protects his privacy, since no one wants to live near "the demon" and the officials are all at the other side. Now though, it has another use. Whenever he wanted to go from the academy to Ichiraku Ramen, to his apartment and then to the forest of death, he had to run a very long way. Thus, it became his new way of warming up before ramen and school.

When Naruto got to the academy entrance, he saw several chunin guards reading from a bible. Not the bible his brother created, no. This was the Bible of the Holy Log. A scripture crafted by the Almighty. The book of the Faithful.

The way Naruto earns enough money to eat at Ichiraku Ramen constantly.

Oh, yes. Naruto was the one who created "The Holy Book of The Log". A bible to convert all non-believers into worshipers of the Holy Log, and a book for those who pray to the Log. It contains information on everything tree-related, including several mokuton jutsu's. In fact, it even beat every "Icha Icha" novel written combined in amount sold. The reason for this would most likely be the fact that women would actually want to read it, and that almost every Konoha shinobi at chunin rank or above owned a copy. Or ten. It was actually rather easy to set it up. Once Naruto had heard the Third Hokage thank the Log a few times, he knew he had to make a bible about it. It was supposed to be a funny joke at first, but it turned out to be his goldmine.

"As the Log takes your place, you become the Log. The Log becomes you. For a moment, you are an extension of the Log's blessing unto ninja." A chunin recited. Naruto snickered quietly.

"I still cannot believe people are praising a LOG of all things, and that it is mostly because you wrote a book about worshiping it." The Nine-tails grumbled.

"Yeah, well it worked. So you can suck it." Naruto retorted in thought. Of course, he couldn't start talking to the Kyuubi aloud, now could he? If he did, people would start believing he was insane. He wanted a few days before that started, damn it!

"You are insane."

"Shut up."

Naruto walked into the building while trying to hide his laughter, causing more than a few people to look at him. The receptionist, however, was glaring rather blatantly at him. She was probably another "Naruto Hater".

"Naruto Uzumaki, signing in for the first time, 'ttebayo! Why do I have to say that again?" Naruto grumbled inwardly.

"Because you need to play the "overconfident fool" persona? That and it's funny seeing a nigh-omnipotent being sound like an idiot." The Kyuubi chortled gleefully. Naruto was about to snipe back at the large fox rolling around in laughter, but the secretary distracted him from calling Kurama a "large, orange and retarded bunny rabbit".

"We do not allow de-your kind to come here." The nasty women sneered as she quickly corrected herself so she would not be given to Ibiki.

"Well then, how about I sign him in?" An aged but cheerful voice interrupted. The Sandaime Hokage smiled in a kind, grandfatherly manner, but it did nothing to hide the killing intent oozing out from him.

"H-hai H-Hokage sama." The women stuttered, now fearful for her life while she ticked Naruto off.

"Now then, why don't you come with me, Naruto-kun?" Hiruzen Sarutobi turned to Naruto.

"Yeah! Jiji!" Said boy laughed as he grabbed his elder's hand and skipped off.

O. O. O.

As the pair walked down the hallway, flanked by unseen Anbu, the Hokage turned to Naruto.

"Now, Naruto-kun, I know you like having fun and pulling pranks, but please listen to the teachers and try to learn something, okay?" Hiruzen requested.

"Of course. I'm gonna be the best ninja ever, 'ttebayo!" Naruto gleefully (depressingly) replied, while Kurama started rolling on the floor in laughter again.

"That's all I'm asking. So be good, and make me proud, okay?" The old man spoke as they stopped at the door.

"Hai!" Came Naruto's cheerful and enthusiastic answer.

The Third opened the door to Naruto's new classroom, revealing a group of civilians, another group of clan heirs, and a rather ugly teacher who frowned when his eyes made contact with Naruto's.

"I believe you have another student." The Hokage calmly spoke, as the civilians and the clan heirs all gasped in shock before bowing respectfully. The instructor smiled stiffly at Naruto while he spoke to the Hokage.

"I shall take care of everything from here." Minikui Kao informed. (A/N: "Ugly face". I like making up stupid names, and making them up in Japanese is easy.)

"Thank you. Now, will you introduce yourself to your new classmates?" The Third kindly asked the boy standing next to him.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm going to be the best ninja ever, 'ttebayo!"

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

A/N:

Firstly, a week and the story already has 110 follows and 85 favorites :O

Thank you everyone for reading!

Next, I will most likely update every 1-2 weeks. I will NEVER stop writing this story. At most, I will stop for a few weeks if I have work. I always hated reading a great story that stops halfway through.

Some information on the story:

Naruto/Trihexa will be powerful, but not in the "I spam rasenshuriken" way. He will be smart and strategic, not relying on strong jutsu and clone spamming. Of course, he will still be able to spam OP shit, but he will not rely on it. He will also not use any other power he has from the DxD universe, unless they are passive and he cannot do anything about them. i.e. not starving to death.

Naruto/Trihexa will wreck almost everyone, but there will be people who are on par, if not stronger than he is at the time. I am making most people stronger, because I think a borderline S rank nin like Kakashi should not be so weak.

There will be no bashing unless it serves a purpose in the story, i.e. Sakura bashing so she stops being so retarded and can actually do shit.

There will probably be no pairings with Naruto/Trihexa. In my mind, he is too independent (and too dense) to be paired with someone. It could still happen, but the chances of it happening are low. Others can still be paired, but it needs to fit in the story. That means the chances of anyone getting a harem is near non existent.

Finally, I might try to change some backstory or remove things that seem extremely stupid. (Kakashi saying there are people younger than 12 yet still stronger. YOU ARE A CHILD PRODIGY. SO SHUT UP. YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT LIKE CANON NARUTO)

Things may change as I continue writing the story, but you will be notified (probably).

If anyone has questions, I will either reply by PM or address them in an authors note.

See you next chapter!

*Chapter 3*: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Ugly face, little kids, larger weasels, fangirls and PLOT! Well, the start of it anyways.

O. O. O.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

"Bored."

Naruto sighed. It was only the third lesson of the day, and he wanted to fall asleep already. He quickly observed the people around him again. A few civilians were taking notes here and there, but none were really interested in what was being said except a pink haired girl who was diligently copying down everything Minikui Kao told them. Amongst the clan heirs. The Nara heir, Shikamaru, had long since disappeared into the land of clouds and shogi. Chouji Akimichi was crunching through his fifteenth bag of chips. Ino Yamanaka was doodling flowers in her book, Hinata Hyuuga was hiding inside her unnaturally large coat, Sasuke Uchiha was sitting stoically in his seat, and Shino Aburame was… being an Aburame.

Meanwhile. Minikui Kao glared at Naruto while speaking. He wanted to do something about the demon, but what could he do…? Hold on. It seemed like the demon wasn't paying attention. Minikui smirked momentarily as he made a plan. He would quiz the class about a subject, get the demon to answer wrong, and call on the pink haired brat who was taking notes to answer. The demon would be so embarrassed, being upstaged by a pink haired girl!

"It looks like the teacher is finally going to try something. About time. I was just about to literally die from boredom."

"It would be a blessing to me if you die. Then I will no longer have to participate in these insane activities of yours." The Kyuubi grumbled something about launching koala's at Anko Mitarashi.

"Oh hush you. Stick with me for a few more years and you'll see why I was called the Apocalypse." Trihexa chided Kurama. "Speaking of which, do you have any ideas on what prank I should pull?" He received a snore in response. Naruto sweatdropped. It seemed like the almighty nine-tailed demon fox had already fallen victim to boredom. However, Naruto Uzumaki will never be put down by the vilest of monsters! This was his chance!

"Alright class. We will now have a quiz." Minikui informed the dead class members. Everyone groaned simultaneously.

"Now tell me, what was the Shodaime Hokage most well-known for?" This was an easy question, but it was one the demon would not be able to get. "Could Naruto Uzumaki answer?" He demanded with a sneer on his face as he said that. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Why was their instructor so angry and contemptuous towards Naruto?

Naruto smirked. This was the opportunity he had been waiting for! The teacher had backed himself into a corner. Normal answers could work, but there was something else he wanted to do. So he answered in a way no one would forget.

"Reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland, and he was answered and saved by the log, in a place where there were none." Naruto quoted from his favorite book.

"Amen." The teacher prayed on reflex. The civilians were confused. The clan heirs, however, had heard this quote before, when members of their family recited from the book of Log. The students groaned; their sensei was another Log worshiper!

Meanwhile, Minikui was stunned. How could the demon have quoted from the holy scriptures of Konoha? They were supposed to be secret! The demon must have used a genjutsu on someone to gain the information. It didn't just do that, it also embarrassed him in front of all the clan heirs. It must die! But how?

O. O. O.

Class ended a few hours later. It had been a boring day, with the only notable things being a few pranks Naruto set up, like putting a seal filled with itching powder in the teacher's drawer, and replacing all the water in the cold water machine with boiling hot ramen broth. After the "super intense" training session, all the other students attempted to get cold water, but all they got was a mouthful of molten ramen broth. The training session wasn't even tiring in Naruto's opinion, but that was because he had a very interesting way to get stronger…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

3 years ago:

"I need to find a way to passively increase my strength, but how…?" Trihexa mused.

"Why not just exercise like the pathetic ningen do?" Kurama asked.

"Because they're "pathetic ningen" and because I'm just lazy Trihexa responded. "Hmm… Well, I'm already having you channel large amounts of your chakra into me constantly to increase my chakra reserves. I think it could also work as a way to gain muscle mass. I mean, your chakra tears my muscles, and muscle growth happens because torn muscles get healed more than they need to be in general. I think."

"Hmm?" Kurama was intrigued now.

"Is there any technique that mimics the effect? The regeneration is already solved because you live in my body and because of my Uzumaki and natural healing, but we need the damage first… Hold on. Didn't that taijutsu book tell us about the eight gates and how opening some can damage your muscles?"

"Oh? So you plan on constantly keeping the gates open to damage and heal your muscles and gain strength?" Naruto didn't reply, as he was too busy cackling. "I'll take that as a yes…" Kurama sweatdropped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

O. O. O.

From that day on, Naruto constantly kept the first two gates open, their effects tearing his muscles slowly under the strain. Combined with the Kyuubi's chakra and the passive regeneration Naruto possessed, it led to his strength and his chakra pools growing rapidly. Of course, there were disadvantages. Having his chakra pool grow immensely required many thousands of clones to do chakra control exercises every single day. The remaining few thousand clones did tai-, nin-, and bladed practice. Not kenjutsu. Rather than use a sword, the ingenious boy after learning some shape and nature manipulation decided that sprouting off random blades of wind from his body was the way to go. Thus, three hundred clones practiced this and three hundred tried whatever he came across for the time. Then there was two hundred reading on and practicing fuinjutsu, and the rest just picked whatever interested them. Now, his clones were attempting to master Kawarmi and Henge. It was slow going, but Naruto believed that with his current low chunin level chakra control, success was possible. What else could the blond bastard do? Now that would be telling…

O. O. O.

When class ended for the day, Naruto saw Hinata get blocked by a few kids three years their elder, who started picking on the shy girl because of her eyes. Naruto frowned and shunshin'ed towards her location.

O. O. O.

Hinata was terrified. The three bullies above her were twice her size, and much stronger. She didn't want to hurt them, but they had no restrictions on themselves.

"Hey look, it's a weakling with weird eyes." The first one told the others.

"Let's go see if she has anything we want…" Another growled.

The third one laughed. "She looks like she couldn't even kill an ant if it crawled under her!" Hinata hid inside her coat, slowly crawling into a ball on the floor. Tears started dripping from her eyes.

"Why do I have to be so weak? Neji was right, I am pathetic…"

However, just as the older boys were about to roughly pick up the crying girl, they were intercepted by a blur.

"I believe you have better things to do than picking on little girls. So leave now." Naruto stated in a dead tone.

"Hey! This little kid wants to be a hero! How about I beat him up?" Generic antagonist 3 asked his friends 6 and 304.

"Let's teach him a lesson." "The brat's gonna regret messing with us!"

"I believe I told you to leave." The words were followed by a small blast of killing intent, barely enough to scare a chunin, but strong enough to make an academy student soil his pants. The three boys shivered uncontrollably before running off.

Now, it should be noted that Naruto/Trihexa is not a good person by nature. He was the beast of the apocalypse and the ultimate devil. He stopped the bullies not from any kindness of his heart although it was there, but because he absolutely detests people who use their time power on weaker opponents just because they can. Rather than wasting time on pathetic creatures, why not do something useful instead? However, another thing the beast in a boy's skin hated was someone weak giving up. What use is surrendering to life? One should break the system instead of just quitting.

So it should come as no surprise that instead of helping Hinata get up and sending her home like a good boy, he just looked at her coldly.

"Do not waste your life as a weakling. Get stronger so you can protect yourself instead of getting others. I helped you only because I hate those that waste their time and power." Naruto then jumped away.

Hinata was stunned. At first she thought a hero had come, but it turned out to be someone who only wanted to remove the bullies, not help the girl. However, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that her classmate did not just call her weak like everyone else she met. He said to "get stronger to protect yourself". He was the only person to actually try to encourage her! Kind of.

"He was so cool and strong… I want to be like him someday! I want to be strong too!" The rusted gears in the girl's head started turning again after three years. She would be strong someday, so she could stand next to the boy – no, to her savior as an equal.

Unbeknownst to the retreating blond, he had finally gotten the first of his many fangirls in this world.

O. O. O.

Shikamaru needed help. He had, of course, seen the Hokage personally send in the late boy. That pointed to the boy being close or important to the Third. Judging from how he was grabbing onto Hokage-sama, it tilted towards the first one. The boy got bored within the first five minutes. That would imply that the boy had shinobi training, but as far as he knew, there was no Uzumaki clan and Naruto was an orphan. Next, the teacher's obvious hatred of the blond. The glare was more of anger and cruelty than anything else, and the teacher had tried to set things up so Naruto would fair, not that it worked. Finally, the pranks. How did a six year old escape the senses of everyone in the room? Naruto Uzumaki was a mystery, one that Shikamaru couldn't solve by himself. So he went to his father, the only one smarter than him.

"Tou-san, do you know anything about Naruto Uzumaki?" Let it be known that the Nara clan found it too troublesome to beat around the bush.

"Why do you want to know?" Shikaku was curious. Why did his son seem interested in the Jinchuuriki of the nine-tails?

"He interests me."

"Well, fine." The Nara found it to troublesome to keep up an argument. "Naruto Uzumaki is… special. It would be best if you refrained from asking any more questions about him. However, it would be nice if you could become friends with the boy."

"Troublesome." So his Tou-san was not allowed to tell him? That was fine. He would just research himself the next day. Now to find a nice spot to sleep and not get woken up by Kaa-san…

O. O. O.

Sasuke kneeled in front of his father. School had been a boring affair. Nothing the chunin instructor had told them was worth listening to. The only history that he needed to know was the history of his clan, the Uchiha clan.

"You must do well at school, lest you embarrass the clan." Fugaku sternly lectured.

"Hai, Otou-sama." His father left after that, too busy with the duties of being a clan head. After he left, the air in the room felt more relaxed. Sasuke turned to his mother, who was breathing out a long sigh.

"Kaa-san?"

"Hmm?" Mikoto responded absentmindedly.

"Do you know anything about Naruto Uzumaki?"

"What brought this up?" Now Sasuke's mother was interested. How did her son know about Kushina's child?

"Today, the Hokage brought him in personally. I was wondering, since you are a Jounin if you knew anything about him."

"… I knew his Kaa-san."

"What!" Sasuke was shocked. His mother knew Naruto's mother? But Naruto was an orphan!

"Mm hm. Kushina Uzumaki was my teammate as a genin. She had insane chakra pools and amazing fuinjutsu too, which was almost on par with the Sannin Jiraiya. She died in the Kyuubi attack though." Mikoto ended sadly. She did not tell Sasuke that Naruto's father was the Fourth, nor did she speak of how Kushina died. It was forbidden, after all.

"Why didn't you help him then, if you knew his mother?"

"Do you think the Uchiha clan would let Fugaku and I adopt a random child off the streets?" The matriarch snorted, and Sasuke took note of the fact that she included his father with her, and excluded the rest of the Uchiha clan.

"… Is there anything else you can tell me about Naruto?"

Mikoto sighed. "I am forbidden from telling you anything more about Naruto. But please try to make him your friend. He is a very lonely child, and I cannot help him. So please do so in my place."

"Hai." It seems like Sasuke needed to find somewhere else to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe Shikamaru would know something. He had heard that the Nara were exceptionally intelligent, even more than the Uchiha…

O. O. O.

Minikui walked into a secret meeting room. To his side was Shiboumaru (A/N: Fat), a retired genin, and Yuuzei, a merchant covered in warts. In front of him was the "Demon Slayer" council, dedicated to protecting Konoha by killing the demon (Naruto). Today, Minikui decided to start things off.

"Today that demon put the Hokage under another genjutsu! He was walking with the demon! This has gone on long enough. I propose we send out messengers to inform every single person of the demons trickery, and kill him in half a year on October 10th, the day he killed our families!" Minikui roared.

A woman had something to say. "Are you sure it will work? Many times, we have tried to off the evil monster, but it escapes every time."

"Do not worry, comrade. This time, we shall succeed. We will convince the rest of the Shinobi forces to help us." Minikui responded arrogantly.

"I hope it works. For all our sakes…" The leading man muttered quietly.

O. O. O.

Naruto sniggered. He had sensed the Nara and the Uchiha boys both watch him stop those weaklings, unaware that the other was there, nor that their subject also found them out. It would confuse them, seeing as how for most of the day Naruto had been pretending to be an idiot and also pranking everyone. By constantly switching between his different persona's, he could easily make anyone break character and reveal their true selves, or just confuse people for the hell of it. He would call it the broken mask effect…

… But he had a feeling that someone had already claimed it, so he would just say it was something strong (and clinically insane) people did and leave it at that.

"You have very strange ways of amusing yourself."

"Said one mass murderer to another." Naruto remarked.

"Touché. I do not just kill people though. I incinerate them."

"And I summon natural disasters to ravage countries. Your point?"

"Hn."

"You seem like you're in the mood to kill today. Wanna slay some tigers?"

"I still do not know why the ningen believe the fox is weaker than the tiger. Matatabi is only the two-tails, whilst I am the Kyuubi."

"… Just kill something with me."

O. O. O.

This was how the days in the academy went by. Every day, the class started off with a quiz, in which the instructor would attempt to ruin Naruto's day, and fail miserably every time. Then, they did the history lesson, where everyone more or less fell asleep. Later in the day, the students did "extreme training". Monday was a hundred pushups, sit-ups, squats, and a ten-kilometer run. Thankfully, none of the kids turned bald from the training. Tuesday was agility, in which the students had to run an obstacle course. The rest of the week just repeated, but Friday had the children race against each other. Naruto's position varied constantly, while the others stayed in the same area when comparing results. After seeing Naruto win one time, Sasuke started training harder to make sure the "dobe" never beat him again.

Of course, Naruto could still train while pulling pranks at school. His passive chakra and strength training and his shadow clones that refreshed every four hours did wonders for his overall abilities. He still didn't know many jutsu, being limited to a solid henge, shadow clones, replacement and a basic Wind Release: Great Breakthrough. He had his nature manipulation and also his part mastered Kurama's chakra and senjutsu, but they weren't actually jutsu. Oh well. He could deal with that fact later. Now Naruto just wanted to break the system with the few things he knew.

"I still think you need some high powered moves. You are supposed to be the apocalypse in human form after all."

"I can do that later. Now I just want to kick ass with E-rank jutsu and supporting power ups."

"Broken power bonuses."

"Feh. You're just mad you can't kill anything… Actually, we should really address that, shouldn't we?"

"I WANT TO HUNT AND KILL SOME LARGE ANIMALS. PREFERABLY WITH BLOOD. AND FIRE. FIIRREEE! Fire-"

"Yeah, we get it. You have a massive murder-boner that's going unchecked. Blah blah blah…" Naruto muttered as he cut his connection with Kurama so he wouldn't hear the bijuu screaming in rage and frustration.

"Oh well. Back to planning my next prank…"

O. O. O.

October 10th:

The atmosphere was tense, despite the festivities. Seemingly random people were moving back and forth, preparing for what was about to happen. Paperwork was running rampant, even more than usual. Anbu were confused when they found out Inu would not be guarding the container that day, but shrugged it off as the Hokage finally getting him something to do. People were laughing manically in their head about how the demon would finally be killed…

… And said blond-haired boy was on a pranking/ramen spree.

"Sluuurrrrp. Bang. Sluuurrrrp. Bang. Sluurr-"

"For Kage's sake, we can't catch up if you eat so much!" Teuchi shouted franticly. "I mean, it's nice that we're getting enough money to run a whole village, but- " SMACK! Teuchi could not finish his sentence because a ladle flew out of nowhere and landed on his head.

"It's nice to see that you like our ramen so much, but please slow down. We really can't catch up." Ayame kindly asked while she cleaned the ladle that was now in her hands.

"Foine." Naruto's mouth was filled with ramen, which he swallowed before resuming his speech. "I was planning to leave now anyways. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Bye!" Came Ayame's cheerful reply.

O. O. O.

As Naruto walked down the alleyways, a group of chunin beset him. Said chunin took out some kunai and started flipping them in their hands, grinning menacingly at the seven year old boy.

"Hehehe. Today, we will finally make you suffer, demon!"

"Honestly. Don't people ever learn that I am constantly guarded by Anbu?" Said Anbu members then jumped down behind Naruto before unsheathing their tanto and chuckling ominously.

"Bad luck demon scum. Your precious Inu isn't here to save you this time." One of the Anbu taunted. Naruto groaned as a few more shadows came jumping towards him, including a dozen genin and chunin, and a few jounin. Finally came the hundreds of villagers armed with torches, pitchforks and the like.

"This looks like one of those witch hunts that people used to attend in my universe a few hundred years ago."

"Humans are stupid."

"Agreed"

"Today you die!"

"This is what you get!"

"Vengeance will be mine!"

"Not very creative are they?" Naruto dryly remarked.

"Course not. It's why I do not bother conversing with them." Kurama agreed.

"Heh. There's one Anbu that hasn't shown himself yet." Indeed, there was a single shinobi, unseen in the shadows by all except Naruto, who just turned to that hiding spot and gave him a look that all but told Anbu operative Weasel that Naruto was not amused.

Itachi Uchiha took a deep breath and closed his eyes…

… Before half of the shinobi in the area exploded into piles of flesh and blood.

"Overkill much?" Naruto commented.

"I was ordered to protect you. I did my job." The Anbu replied, the last of the mob finished off by a few shuriken with ninja wire.

"… Naruto Uzumaki."

"Itachi Uchiha. Pleased to finally make your acquaintance."

"… You know Anbu are not supposed to talk that much?"

"In my defense, I have only been one for a little while. I am more concerned with how you do not seem apprehensive that I just killed a few hundred fellow villagers."

"Well… they started it… I think…"

O. O. O.

Later:

"So…"

"Yep." Naruto confirmed. "I've been training secretly and I live in training ground forty four. Anything else?"

"I would like to see how well you perform."

"Sure. Wanna go to training ground seven?"

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes." Naruto and Itachi disappeared, only to reappear at said training ground. Itachi seemed loyal, so Naruto had decided to tell him some things to get Itachi to help him in training. Obviously he didn't tell the Anbu that he was a planet destroying being from another world, but he did tell him nearly everything else. Including what flavor ramen the Kyuubi wanted to eat.

"I WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS!"

"You already did, dumbass."

"… Kyuubi?"

"Yup. He wants to kill my parents. I reminded him that he already did."

"Hn."

"Oh stop it with the "hn"! It's annoying!" Naruto complained.

"Hn."

"… Just… I don't know, start assessing my combat skills already! I don't want to wai-"

CLANG! Any further conversation was cut off as Itachi rapidly threw several shuriken at the boy, before unsheathing his tanto and dashing in. Naruto negated the projectiles with his own, then blocked a sideways lunge from the sharingan wielding prodigy. The younger one, not the one that just started reading smut in public.

O. O. O.

"Hmm?" Kakashi gave an eye smile to no one, freaking out the cashier. "It seems like someone young and impressionable is thinking about me. How nice of them to fit me into their busy schedules." Kakashi then turned back to the book he was looking to buy, and giggled perversely.

O. O. O.

"Hn. Not bad." Itachi mused. "Not many people have the same reaction speed as you do at such an age."

"No one has this reaction speed at seven period!" Naruto yelled. It wasn't his reaction time that could barely catch up though. Oh no. Trihexa had battled Ophis and Great Red at the same time, and they were much, much faster. It was the fact that despite his broken training methods, he was still a seven year old physically. He just could not catch up to the Anbu's superior speed.

"Looks like I have to use some of my backup plans." Naruto swore while rapidly deflecting blows from the stronger of the two. Itachi decided to hold back less at that moment, and suddenly blew through Naruto's defenses in a burst of speed.

"Seal less shunshin too?" The blond grumbled in frustration as blood leaked from a gash on his arm."

"It is only natural. After all, my cousin is Shunshin no Shisui." The battle continued. Itachi made use of the body flicker to get around Naruto's defense. In response, the younger boy started sprouting blades of wind to deflect the strike. Every time the tanto got close enough to cut skin, a long and thin strip of air materialized before it, never allowing skin contact with the sleek steel.

"Wind manipulation? Such an interesting way to do so too. Is it possible to mimic the technique with fire? It seems like I cannot hit you close up. However, I wonder how well your unique armor will defend against jutsu. Fire style: Grand Fireball!" A widespread blast of fire came out of the Uchiha's mouth. Too hot to endure and too wide to dodge. How would Naruto get out of this one?

"Hn?" A blast of wind flew into the sky. From it appeared a shadow clone, which immediately replaced itself with Naruto. The boy quickly took advantage of his current predicament and littered the area with kunai and shuriken, using the Shuriken Shadow Clone jutsu. It was far cheaper than creating normal shadow clones and transforming them, and far more effective too. Thousands upon thousands of wind enhanced kunai and shuriken flew from the sky, surrounding Itachi in a cloud of steel.

Itachi, however, was not an Anbu in only name. Only, this technique was one of the earliest techniques he ever learned, and arguably the most annoying and useful one.

THUNK. All of the projectiles penetrated a Log, the holiest of the holy.

"As the Log takes your place, you become the Log. The log becomes you." Naruto recited from The Holy Book of The Log while attempting to hide a snicker.

"Amen." Itachi praised. Kurama was roaring in laughter, his previous annoyance forgotten for this new entertainment.

"Well done. It seems like you can stop ninjutsu, taijutsu and kenjutsu. How about genjutsu?" And with that, Itachi activated his three tomoe sharingan and unleashed hell in the form of a Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique.

"Hmm?" Naruto decided to see what this illusion was about. He could easily break through, but the name was "Hell Viewing Technique", and he wanted to see if it really could see hell.

"Wait… No no no no no. No! No!"

"It seems like Naruto-san is not doing well against the genjutsu... Wait. What is he saying?"

"NO! HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY FOOD! IT'S MINE! ALL MINE! GREAT RED DOES NOT DESERVE TO EAT QUALITY PASTA! GO GET SOME KUNG PAO CHICKEN IF YOU WANT TO EAT SOMETHING CHILLY, FATE! PASTA DOES NOT HAVE JALAPENO'S! ITALIANS DO NOT EAT HOT SHIT. OPHIS YOU BUGGER OFF. YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANY SUGAR! IF YOU TOUCH THAT I SWEAR THAT I'LL-"

BOOM! An enormous explosion rocked the clearing, knocking down nearly all the trees and turning the packed dirt ground into a crater that was over a hundred and twenty feet wide. Itachi was breathless. How did the Jinchuuriki have this much power? There was no trace of the Kyuubi there as well! Little did he know that Trihexa had accidentally broken his own rule and blasted the ground with as much power as he had. Granted, it wasn't much considering he had just used it seven years ago to come to the elemental nations, but it was still enough to raise more than a few eyebrows. He was just glad that the Hokage was asleep. Probably.

O. O. O.

"Zzz… I am sleeping… Snorezzz… Konohamaru don't touch the sharp pointy sticks… unless you want to kill… the paperwork for me…Zzz…" The Sarutobi muttered in his sleep.

O. O. O.

Naruto looked around him, then turned to Itachi. "If anyone asks, tell them a ninja was doing training. It's technically the truth anyway."

"Done. On both things too. I am finished assessing you now."

"Your thoughts?" Naruto asked.

"Hmm… Not particularly. You are quite well rounded. You just need to improve in general." Itachi informed him.

"Nice! Now I'm gonna go to bed and sleep everything off. I'm tired!" (A/N: Good night, it's 11:30 PM now.)

O. O. O.

1 year before graduation:

Naruto slowly crawled out of bed, groaning irritably. He didn't want to go to the academy again! It was so boring! He had tried too hard to prank everyone there, so now there was a team of Anbu stationed permanently at the academy. If he tried to prank anyone anymore, he would get caught, and he definitely did not want anybody finding out about his skills. They were Anbu for a reason.

The boy walked outside to find the bowl of ramen his clone left him. Muttering a quick "Itadakimasu", Naruto slurped away the ramen, leaving only the bowl.

"I still can't get used to that."

"But you eat ramen too!"

"Not the ramen! The fact that you can slurp it all up so quickly! You should enjoy it slowly!" The currently one tailed beast walked through the doorway, eating his own ramen.

"But I don't have time to eat ramen slowly. I need to eat it quickly if I want to eat it at all."

"Humph. Let's go already. We've wasted enough time as it is." Kurama licked up the remainder of his ramen and hopped onto Naruto's head, before they jumped out the window.

"So. What should our entrance be like? I want to show off the fact that I have a cute fox."

"I AM NOT A PET, NOR AM I FUCKING CUTE!" Kurama raged.

"Beats being a bunny rabbit though."

"… Yes. Yes it does, and I'm glad for that. The point is still there though. I. AM. NOT. CUTE! WOULD SOMETHING CUTE KILL YOUR PARENTS?"

"Uh huh." Naruto clearly wasn't listening to the bijuu, his attention focused onto something else.

"WHY ARE YOU NO- Wait. No, no no no no no NO! LEAVE, FOUL BEAST OF THE FOREST!" A koala ambled across the rooftops of Konoha, dislodging roof tiles and annoying the civilians below.

A little known fact about the Kyuubi. He was scared shitless of larger/more dangerous creatures than he was. On one hand, he was humble enough to accept that something might be stronger than him.

On the other hand, it was funny seeing him run away with his tail(s) between his legs from a koala. Granted, they did explode, but still. The almighty, mountain crushing Kyuubi was scared of a koala. The first time Naruto saw that, he laughed so much that the koala decided he was the larger threat and blew up in his face. From that day on, the blond boy never laughed at a koala again.

Still, it didn't stop him from snickering quietly at Kurama's misfortune as the pair ran away from the beast of devastation.

"Grrr…"

"Oh shut up already! Look! We're already here!" And indeed they were. The pair saw Kiba bragging to whoever would listen, Akamaru whining on top of his head. Shikamaru and Chouji were eating chips behind him. Shino was… just there. Hinata shyly pressed her fingers together and hid inside her coat. Sasuke looked out the window, and his fan club started squealing.

"So. How are we gonna enter?"

O. O. O.

Iruka groaned. The Sasuke Fan Club was getting on everyone's nerves. The squealing, it was painful. Kiba was being a loud mutt again too.

"Where is Naruto when you need him? I cannot believe I just said that." As if Naruto had heard the scarred chunin's thoughts (it was the Kyuubi who telepathically heard Iruka), the boy smashed through a window, with – wait. Wait! Was that a fox on his head?

"Hey guys! I found a new pet!" The instructor groaned, but decided to humor the boy.

"You did? What's his name?"

"Kurama! He's the best fox ever!"

Kurama started giggling. This part would be great!

"Hah! I bet he can't do what Akamaru can do!" Kiba bragged.

"Oh yeah! Well I'll prove you wrong! Kurama, sit!" The fox grudgingly obeyed.

"Akamaru, play dead!" The dog died.

"Humph. Any animal can do that. But can your dog do this? Kurama, speak!" The fox coughed a bit.

Kiba smirked. "It seems you failed. Your fox sucks-"

"I do not take kindly to idiotic mutts insulting me." The killing intent invoked by the one tailed Kyuubi floored everyone. Sasuke and Iruka were breathing hard, the other clan kids were lying flat on the ground, and everyone else had fainted. Naruto was smiling triumphantly as he looked at a downed Kiba, who was completely frozen.

"Weeell… It seems like I have the best pet now." Naruto smirked. Everyone else fainted.

O. O. O.

Sasuke groaned. The fox that Naruto had brought with him had so much killing intent, even more than that man.

"How? How can a simple animal have more power than Itachi?" The raven-haired boy raised his head and looked around. Every single person had fainted around him, even the chunin instructor. Sasuke felt some satisfaction in seeing the fangirls on the floor, with black marking all over their fa-what?

"Oh no." Every single person had their face covered with black marker. Some in swirls, some with faces, and the rest had random scribbles in what looked to be words, but careful inspection found that they were not actually words, but random letters put together. Sasuke tried to spell one out.

"Your So P is made *f kiW! frRit DnA. What does that mean?" The clueless boy wondered.

"Your soap is made of kiwi fruit DNA." Naruto appeared from below the teachers desk, black marker in hand. He grinned. "Like my work?"

Sasuke just grunted in reply and looked at the window. Well, at least he wasn't brooding this time. He was trying to see what was on his face.

"0p#!S Is N UgL^ &$ bI+(H. What does that mean?"

"Figure it out. It's an insult to someone I know."

"Don't write insults on my face. Dobe!" Sasuke snarled.

"Oh don't worry your innocent little mind about the insult. It was to someone else. You're not important enough to warrant one." Naruto smirked.

"Me? Not important? I am the last Uchiha! I am-!"

"You are a whinny little brat, and you are so weak it's pathetic." Naruto half-faked a sigh. "Itachi was so much stronger than you-"

"YOU-!"

"-But don't worry. You'll get stronger than him someday. Maybe."

"Shut up!" The so called last Uchiha roared.

"Fine! Ugh, you're so painful to talk to. Well, it seems like class is dismissed, considering it's already lunch break…!" Naruto trailed off in shock as he remembered what that meant.

"Truce?"

"Hn. Dobe." No longer in rage mode, Sasuke was on high alert. His sensitive Uchiha ears were picking up enthusiastic squeals around five hundred meters away. The squeal of demons.

Naruto-no, Trihexa sensed his surroundings, feeling the souls and energy of the enemy. They were four hundred meters away. Three hundred meters. Two hundred- "Escape plan T7! Now!"

Whoosh. There was no demon god in child's body, nor an Uchiha who happened to be the last one in the classroom. There was only a pile of students and a teacher who was knocked out.

O. O. O.

Naruto landed at training ground seven, on the other side of Konoha. He breathed in deeply, attempting to calm down. Why did those things have to exist? Those evil, FANGIRLS!

"Hah! I still cannot believe you are afraid of fangirls, of all things! HAHAHAHA-"

"Koala." The boy tiredly muttered.

"What? Where! WHERE! STAY AWAY-!" Naruto cut the link, not about to start listening to the fox rant about koalas. He sighed. Why did fangirls exist everywhere? Even in his original universe, he still had fangirls.

"The scum of the earth." And any other place too.

"Oh my fucking log, that was scary." Seems like Sasuke had arrived. "WHY! WHY MUST THE HORDE EXIST?"

"Because you're too emo for your own good?" Naruto suggested.

"Oi! You have your fangirls too!"

"Unlike you though, I have countermeasures in place."

"What countermeasures?" Naruto smirked at that. Right at that moment, a fangirl walked out of the tree line. Sasuke screamed.

"Ahhhhh! They found us! RUN!"

"It's fine." Naruto replied calmly. "This is Miko, the president of my fan club. She is also… Me!" Miko then henged into Naruto. Actually, it would be more accurate to say she returned to her original form, a shadow clone of the original blond.

"!" Sasuke was speechless. Why did Naruto make himself the president of his own fan club with a shadow clone? Unless… "You evil, evil bastard. You used your clone to tell the rest of your fan club where to find you, when you weren't actually there!"

"Mm hm. The question now is why didn't you do the same thing?" Naruto questioned skeptically. Sasuke racked his brain hard. Why did he not do that? Oh yeah. He didn't have enough chakra to use the Kage Bunshin. Not that he would admit it to the gloating blond.

"Hn." Sasuke turned around and stalked off, intent to train and/or sulk in his house. Naruto laughed, before jumping away to have fun pranking people. Ah, even throughout centuries and realities, the being still loved being a troll.

O. O. O.

5 weeks later:

Naruto was prepared for his journey. His true graduation exam. Not the one that the stupid teachers made. For Log's sake, they didn't even consider the chance of having a student with absurd amounts of chakra! So, instead of staying in Konoha until graduation, Naruto had decided to head off to travel, and to use his skills to survive outside of the hidden village.

"Well, I say travel, but really I'm only going to go to Mist. It looks fun."

"Remind me again why you will not use your other abilities?" The Kyuubi asked.

"But that's boring!" Naruto complained, getting odd looks from the surrounding people. "I'd much rather have fun and use my new powers than my old ones."

"Peh. Just don't cry when you have to run to your old "Baa-chan" for healing when you get injured." Kurama snorted.

Naruto had ran into the wayward medic after a small incident, in which all the casino's had lost large amounts of money, and Naruto had gained a large fortune. He had used a small part of it to pay off his elder relative's debt, and also to get her into debt with him. Now, the strongest woman in the elemental nations was his pseudo-servant. Kurama had guffawed hard when he saw the lady dress up as a pig and eat pork ramen. In front of Tonton.

The pig couldn't look at the Sannin for a whole month.

"Let's not get distracted now. Remember, Kurama. We need to play it cool. Slowly and stealthily move to not get caught, and-Oh who am I kidding. FREEDOM!" Naruto yelled before seemingly teleporting away in a burst of red and yellow light.

It was the best day of Naruto's shinobi life.

Until he realized that Ichiraku's did not exist outside of Konoha.

"My heart goes out to you, Trihexa. I pray you do not starve to death. I know you can't starve, but it's the thought that counts. I think. Eh, whatever." Kurama went back to sleep.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

A/N:

I said 1-2 weeks, didn't I?

I lied.

In my defense, my computer broke, and electricity went out for a week after.

I won't tell you when my next update will come. But know this. I will never abandon any story I start writing. I hate the authors who do, because I can never finish reading them.

So yeah.

Now, some questions that might pop up.

Why does Naruto/Trihexa not use his OP powers? 1. It's too boring. 2. He doesn't really have many powers accessible at this point in time, but he will get them back. Maybe in a sequel.

Will more elements of DxD appear? Yes. Definitely. And Trihexa/Naruto will go back to his origin.

Have you changed Canon at all? Yes I have, because this is fanfiction. I will still try to keep other things as close to Canon as possible. Things such as personalities, dates, etc.

Can I Beta? I already have one. I just sometimes forget he exists.

Remember, REVIEW! I have already gotten a ton of follows and favorites on this story thanks to you guys, but no one talks to me. I feel so alone…

And the ones that do don't really leave much to reply to. Congratulating me is fine and all, but I won't be saying "Thanks" to every single person who comments. Questions and ideas should usually be replied to.

I'll see you in the next one!

Also my question of the day. How many unique ways can you think of for torturing Kakashi by the time he gets here. I want your opinions!

*Chapter 4*: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Ramen? Nope. Maybe in the next chapter.

O. O. O.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

Mei Terumi sighed. The month had not been going well for her and her rebels. They were driven out of their old secret base and had lost a quarter of her forces. Yagura had also taken all the supplies the rebels had gathered up in years. The situation was desperate, and some were even thinking of leaving. Mei and Ao decided on a last ditch attempt to reclaim Kiri by attempting to ally themselves with another hidden village. Iwa was a no-go, since they had a habit of backstabbing allies. Kumo would be fine, however Ao was worried that they would try to dissect him for a replacement byakugan after their failed kidnapping attempt on the Hyuuga heiress. Suna was too far away for them to help. None of the minor villages had the manpower needed for the war either. That just left Konoha. The rebel leaders were hesitant in contacting Konoha at first because they were on different sides during the third war, but later reasoned that the leaf was also known as "The Bloodline Village", due to their absurd number of clans. However, getting Konoha's help had not gone well.

"I am truly sorry. I would aid you, however Konoha is still recovering from the Kyuubi attack and the Yondaime's death. We do not have the manpower to help you and still be ready in case Iwa decides to take revenge." The Third Hokage informed the pair sadly.

"I see… Is there any way of lending us a squad or two?"

"No. We cannot spare our forces right now. Believe me, I would help if I could. Konoha does not condone wanton violence against anyone. However, we do not have enough shinobi on hand."

"I see… Thank you for informing us anyways. I hope you recover quickly." Mei replied in sorrow. "And I wish you good luck in defeating the Fourth Mizukage."
Hiruzen answered in kind.

That had been a day ago. Mei and Ao started the sad journey back to the base, not wishing to tell those who depended on them the terrible news.

Luckily for them, they were about to get a welcome addition to
their forces.

"Fuck off, you hairy second-hand pirate monkeys! Just because I
have red and yellow hair and scars on my cheeks does not mean I have a
bloodline!" An angry child yelled. Judging by his voice, he was no more than
twelve years old.

"Ao, hurry! We cannot let them hurt another one!" The woman whispered to her blue haired companion.

"Hai, Mei-sama!"

As they sprinted towards the shouting, they saw a Kiri jounin and
two chunin attempting to apprehend a young boy. The boy had bright yellow hair and blue eyes, with scarlet tips and a feral grin.

Naruto smirked as he sensed the two Kiri rebel leaders hiding inside the nearby trees. He turned back towards the trio currently accosting him. The jounin laughed maniacally.

"It doesn't matter if you have a bloodline or not. You're gonna die anyways!" The leader, wielding several kunai, charged the young boy…

…who disappeared in a massive puff of smoke.

"Stop hiding and come out!" The worried jounin shouted. A twelve year old boy who knew the Shadow Clone was not someone to be taken lightly.

"Fine then…" A voice filled with bloodlust whispered from behind him. He panicked and turned around, kunai at the ready…

…before dropping into a bloody mass of shredded flesh, organs and bone. The smoke disappeared, revealing to the outside world a pile of one dead jounin and Naruto Uzumaki, covered in red lifeblood and wearing an insane grin. He turned to face the chunin that were shaking in their flak-jackets. The two Kiri-nin rapidly threw kunai and shuriken at their enemy, who did a quick leaf shunshin behind them. Two massive clouds of leaves remained around the chunin. With a click of his fingers sent them flying towards the chunin. Unable to dodge, the Kiri-nin attempted to deflect the leaves with kunai, only for their tools to be sheared through by the wind enhanced leaves. The barrage did not stop there. After going through the kunai and shuriken, they kept going through the flak-jacket, past the flesh and bone, and out from the other side. Thousands of deadly green blades span around like a tornado, turning it into the world's most deadly – and eco-friendly – blender. Out of it poured a frothy red juice, with some pieces of fabric mixed inside it. Truly, it was the most disgusting milkshake ever created.

"So, are you two gonna keep watching over there, or are you coming over?" Naruto slowly turned to stare at the tree where Mei and Ao were hiding at.

"H-hai!" Ao was struck speechless. This young child had a wind affinity and was actually proficient with it! His chakra levels… Ao had not seen anyone with as much chakra before when using his byakugan. The only person with more chakra was Kisame Hoshigaki!

Mei on the other hand was contemplating if she should ask the boy to join the rebellion, or if she should just run far, far away. The efficiency and the brutality of the young child honestly astounded her. He was most likely even more dangerous than Zabuza Momochi was, and that scared her a lot.

"So? Are you gonna ask me if you want me to join your little rebellion?" Naruto was hoping they did. He had been so bored walking around the land of fire and killing random bandits for dinner. Kurama didn't help, as all the lazy kitsune did was sleep. And snore. And sleep some more. It was infuriating!

"Well, if you want to…?" Came Mei's hesitant reply. She had to admit, she really wanted the blond child to join her on her quest against Yagura. She was only worried he would decline.

"Great!" No longer the visage of terror and bloodlust, Naruto Uzumaki bounded towards Mei and Ao, all the while smiling contently like a cat that just caught the sparrow. The two slowly started walking towards Kiri, unable to shake off the feeling that something was going to happen soon.

O. O. O.

Sasuke groaned inwardly. It had been a few days since Naruto's fox knocked out everyone with its killing intent. Naruto had not been coming to class these few days. Although the brooding Uchiha attempted to ignore Naruto and all his actions, he had to admit that without the dobe, life had been boring. Shikamaru started to look to him for answers on Naruto's erratic behaviour. Honestly! It had been six years since the genius Nara started researching on the blond, and he still hadn't gotten much at all.

However, Sasuke's biggest problem now were the fangirl hordes. His fangirls thought that he had finally gotten rid of Naruto and wasted no time in rubbing that fact into the Naruto fangirl's faces.

On the other hand, apparently Miko had managed to rein in the other fangirls and had convinced them that "Naruto-kun is just biding his time". The fools bought the shadow clones words.

It still didn't stop them from trying to mob Sasuke.

"And now, here's a quiz on chakra theory!" Iruka shouted.

"Hn. Maybe I should take a trip too. That way I can learn something and escape this hell at the same time." Sasuke grumbled internally. The lucky bastard can leave, and almost no one would blink an eye. If he left, however, everyone would have a fit after realizing their "rookie of the year" had decided to play hooky. Ugh.

O. O. O.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"When will we be there?"

"Stop asking pointless questions to Mei-sama!"

"But they're not pointless! I want to get there faster because I'm huunngrryyy."

"Gurgle gurgle."

"See? Even Mr. Tummy agrees!"

"…"

"…"

"Do you think they have ramen at their secret cave?"

"Gurgle mumble."

"I thought so too."

"Could you please stop!" It seemed like Ao and Mei had both reached the limit to their patience.

"Fiiiine."

Mei sighed. This had been going on for a few hours already. The boy annoyed them with some pointless question, they got mad, he stopped. A few minutes later, the cycle would repeat itself. It didn't help that Ao was being a stuck up prick - not that she would ever tell him - and was trying too hard. The good news was that they really were nearing their base, which meant that the boy would finally stop…

… Though he would probably find something else to nag about. "Wait. Do I even know his name? Have I asked you what your name is?"

"I dunno, you tell me." Naruto grinned. He could sense the chakra of hundreds a few kilometres ahead. "Seems like we're here. Finally! I thought I was gonna starve to death!"

"Ramen!"
"NO RAMEN!" Both Ao and Mei shouted. Naruto growled.

"The log shall make you pay for denying me my ramen…" He hissed. He was promptly ignored.

"We're here." The trio stopped at a large cliff, tall, steep and loose enough to prevent most ninja from climbing up. It could easily trap anyone dumb enough to go there when being chased…

… Which was why the rebels set up their base there. Because not many shinobi could escape from such a place, the Kiri forces decided not to look there. After all, no one would be so stupid as to base themselves in a place with no escape routes, right?

Ao walked forward until he was directly in front of the cliff, before cutting his thumb with a kunai and letting it bleed out for a bit. He swiped the blood onto a hidden seal in the wall, activating it and sliding open the previously invisible entrance made of stone. Lights flickered on, and the two shinobi and one academy student walked inside. There was a narrow hallway with lamps on the ceiling, and no doubt countless traps within the cold, stone walls. The group walked forward until they reached the end of the tunnel, where Ao once again swiped some blood against the wall to open a crevice in the stone. Naruto walked inside and saw a large room that was way too bright. He glanced up, but quickly regretted the decision as his ocular organs were brutally assaulted by photons. On one hand, he understood why the Kiri rebels had hired a literal army of lamps to fight back against the natural darkness of the cave. On the other hand...

"The light, it burnsss!" Naruto hissed.

"And who are you?" A voice asked. Naruto turned around and spotted a man at the back of the room, hidden in the only patch of shadows that existed.

"Ugh. This is Ketsueki Yuki. Ketsu-kun, this is…" Mei trailed off. Naruto smirked. "... I'm too tired to deal with this shit. Just call him Baka for now." The smirk was replaced by a frown.

Ketsueki grinned. "Hi, Baka!"

Naruto moaned in agony. First the stupid lights were being rude, and now the stupid people were too!

"What next, a sentient exploding koala?"

O. O. O.

"Hmm? An insignificant ant seems to be talking about me. Hmph" Lord Koala the seventh picked his nose, then promptly blew up.

O. O. O.

Naruto shivered. He didn't know why.

"Oi, brat." Ketsueki tried to get Naruto's attention.

"What?" Naruto grumbled irritably.

Ketsueki frowned. "Why is a kid like you here?" Naruto grinned.

"I was bored."

"Bored?"

"Yup."

Ketsueki's frown deepened. "So, you, an eleven year old brat, decided to join us because you were bored. Huh"

"Mhmm. And if you don't like it, you can go suck my diAAAH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Naruto screamed as he held his groin in pain.

"Ehh. I was bored." Ketsueki had an evil grin on his face.

"I shall have my revenge! RAAR!" Naruto leapt at Ketsueki, who dodged sideways and kicked Naruto in the side. He moaned as he clutched his waist in pain.

"Ugh. Fine. I was gonna go anyways."

Ketsueki smirked. "Good for you." Naruto slowly got up and started walking through the door that Mei disappeared through.

"Why is this place so confusing? There are way too many doors. Log knows where my room is…"

O. O. O.

The next day...

"Now, I will be putting you into a team of three. I do hope you work together with them." Mei spoke sternly to Naruto. The young boy was looking around the room with his hands twitching at his sides.

"Yeah yeah, whatever lady."

"Boy. Treat Mei-sama with respect, or we will single you out for punishment." Ao barked, unaware of his impending doom.

"Mei-sama...single…punishment..." Mei smiled. It was a small, sweet smile, one that you would see on a small, sweet lady.

It scared the shit out of both the Kyuubi and Naruto.

"Ao, shut up, or I will kill you."

"Psst… Kurama…"

"Hm?"

"...I think she has problems."

Mei frowned. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh shit she's onto us."

"I am not helping you."

"Log save meeeeeee…"

"Hello? I'm waiting…"

"Gah! Holy crap, you scared the Log out of me!"

Mei narrowed her eyes. "As I was saying, you will be put into a team of three. Your teammates will be Ketsueki-kun, whom I believe you have already met, and one Midori Doroda. I suggest you go meet them and find out their skills, so you can work better together. And hopefully I'll be able to finally figure out your name…"

"Sure! Where will they be?" Naruto was rather excited at meeting more shinobi from other villages. Most of the ninja he'd seen were from Konoha, and they were boring. They worshipped a chunk of wood, praised teamwork and loyalty as if they were the only things that allowed Konoha to rise above all the other villages (to be fair, it probably was, considering how much worse they were compared to the rest. Weaker forces than Kumo and Iwa, horrible Genin requirements - they still let fangirls graduate! - and a civilian council, of all things!), and everyone in the Leaf was scared shitless of a single fox, and a cute one at that

"You can find your new teammates in meeting room 3."

"... Where is it?" Naruto asked with a sheepish grin. Mei just sighed.

O. O. O.

"So…" Naruto frowned.

"Looks like you're stuck with me." Ketsueki's grin was evil.

"Is it too late to request a team switch?"

"Aww. Why would you want to switch? Don't you like me?" The Kiri-nin pouted.

"Hn." Naruto thought about his third teammate. Midori Doroda. Hopefully she wasn't a fangirl. Naruto shuddered at the thought of having one of those demons as a teammate.

"Squee! You're so cute!" A small brunette shot through the door like a comet, intent on squishing Naruto's cheeks. The 15 year old kunoichi smooches the boy's face together like how one would squeeze a stress ball before pulling Naruto's cheeks out. Midori rubbed the whisker marks on the sides of the embarrassed boy's head. Then she squealed again.

When Naruto was finally released from the clutches of the girl, he caressed his sore face while studying the new girls intently.

Midori was tiny. There was no other word for it. Barely five feet tall, the girl was the definition of chibi. Brown hair down to her shoulders, round, chubby cheeks and small hands and feet. She was also a bit … flat for a teenager.

Not as flat as Sakura though.

O. O. O.

"Naruto Baka!" The pink haired kunoichi-in-training just knew everything was Naruto's fault. Why else would the world be laughing at her?

Meanwhile, Hinata tried to crawl inside her coat and stay hidden.

O. O. O.

Naruto tried very hard not to snicker randomly as he turned his attention back to Midori. The girl was currently wearing a short, black skirt with a black long sleeved shirt and a zipped up Chunin over it. She was also resisting the urge to chub his cheeks again. She failed.

"Squee!"

"I will escape!" Naruto threw a smirking Ketsueki at his attacker, ran out of the room and slammed the door shut.

"Mou… I think he's being unreasonable. I just wanted to hug him and squish him and chub him…" Midori pouted.

"There there, you'll get him later." Ketsueki hugged the girl gently.

The door opened slightly, and Naruto's head poked out.

"Is it safe?" Naruto asked Ketsueki. He then saw Midori and paled.

"I promise I won't chub you anymore today." Midori was quick to reassure him. Naruto smiled at her. Then he frowned.

"Only today?"

The loli smiled. "I like having options."

"Okay, fine. So, what are we meant to talk about?" Naruto asked.

"Why not the traditional shinobi greetings?" Ketsueki proposed. "I mean, they are traditional."

"Why not. So, who wants to go first?"

"I'll go! I'm Midori Doroda. I like hot springs, being cute and pocky! Oh, and Weasel-kun! I hate perverts, being sad, and not having pocky. Hobbies? Eating pocky, eating pocky with Weasel-kun and soaking in hot springs, preferably with Weasel-kun. My dreams? I want to marry Weasel-kun and try all the pocky in the world!"

"I think she's addicted to pocky. And her friend. Who is this "Weasel-kun" anyways? Probably a random civilian." Naruto thought.

"Hm, I'll go next. I'm Ketsueki of the Yuki clan, and the last remaining one as far as I know. Likes… I like making fun of idiots, killing annoying idiots..." At this, Ketsueki smirked at Naruto. Naruto glared back. "... And I also like ice sculpting and sushi. I dislike annoying idiots-"

"I'm not that annoying, am I?"

"- and I hate the Yondaime Mizukage. I find killing people I don't like and making ice sculptures fun and relaxing. I especially enjoy killing those people with ice sculptures. And my goal is to get rid of the current Mizukage and become the ANBU commander." Ketsueki finished.

"Right. My turn," Naruto spoke. "I like some things, like a good fight. I dislike bad fights and other things. My hobby is annoying people and other things. My dream? Dunno."

"What's your name?" Midori asked. "It's like your most important part!"

"Hmm… Nah, not telling. You gotta find out yourself." Not telling the two his name meant that Mei had to work harder to figure it out. "I love listening to less significant people screaming in agony and irritation at me. The sound is so soothing…"

"Hey bro, you scared?" Midori asked Ketsueki with a knowing grin.

"Scared? Of him and his creepy smile. Of course not!" Ketsueki laughed nervously. On the inside, he was a quivering mess. "I fear for my sanity. Please don't take it away," Ketsueki prayed internally. "And I thought I was the crazy one…"

"So, what are we going to be doing anyway?" Naruto asked curiously. Right at that moment, Ao walked in.

"I hope you three are ready now, because we have an urgent mission for you." The man stated.

"Aww, already? But we just met our new friend!" Midori complained. "Well? What is it?"

Ao narrowed his eyes. "Now is not the time for your childish antics. We have received new information pertaining to the location of one of their scout bases with important scrolls that were stolen from us. The scrolls contain information on our location and current forces. You are to capture some of them for interrogation and retrieve the scrolls. Leave no one else alive."

"So, we are authorised to use lethal force? Heh, sounds like fun." Naruto grinned demonically and leaked some killing intent.

It would have been more intimidating had it not been coming from an eleven year old.

O. O. O.

Whoosh.

Thud.

Whoosh.

Thud. Thud

"I'm huunngrryy." Naruto moaned pitifully. He then did his best imitation of a kicked puppy. "Midori, can I please just have a bit of your po-"

"NO! MY POCKY!"

"But Midoriii-"

"GET YOUR OWN. I'M NOT SHARING"

"But-but-but-"

"NO!"

Ketsueki was struggling to contain his laughter. The scene in front of him was too funny. The eleven year old blond was whining sadly behind Midori, looking just like the kicked puppy he was imitating. Said girl was happily crunching on her pocky and making over-exaggerated sounds of contentment.

"Why…? I just wanted some food…"

"Heh. Too bad. " Ketsueki chuckled quietly. Then he suddenly stopped running.

"Eh? Whatcha find?" Midori asked. Ketsueki just sniffed the air. Then he suddenly threw a cluster of shuriken at a nearby bush and heard the clang of metal on metal.

"Shit." The Yuki cursed. "It was a trap."

"You are correct." The bush sprang up from its hiding spot. The trio could see the head, legs and arms of a man holding a chokuto in one hand and a kunai in a reverse grip in the other.

"And who are you meant to be?"

The man grinned cruelly. "An am-bush."

…

Everyone there sweatdropped.

"Just die!" Half a dozen Kiri-nin appeared from the shrubbery, each armed with multitudes of kunai. They drew back their arms and threw as one, sending a sharp and painful wall of steel at the three rebels - well, two rebels and one tag-along.

Naruto jumped, dodging the projectiles

Ketsueki shouted something that sounded like "Freeze sign: Perfect freeze". When the blades hit him, they got coated in ice. Then it spread, freezing more projectiles that it touched. By the end of it, Ketsueki looked like an ice fairy.

Midori made the tiger hand seal and disappeared into a kawarimi. She appeared several meters up on a branch, next to Naruto.

"Amen." The girl prayed. Naruto was shocked that the Log had spread so far.

"You worship the Log?" He asked Midori.

"The almighty Log saves all." She replied simply.

"And now it has spread to Kiri? Is nowhere safe? For Logs sake… wait…" Kurama's face turned a very amusing shade of red as he realized what happened. He turned pale as well.

Did that mean he turned pink?

Meh.

O. O. O.

"Hah! I'm the strongest here! You'll never beat me!" Ketsueki laughed while throwing shuriken after shuriken, knocking away the waves of projectiles coming from the four shinobi he was fighting.

"Water release: Water shuriken!" Ketsueki was suddenly swarmed by hundreds of shuriken. However…

"Perfect freeze!"

… Every single shuriken suddenly froze in mid-air and turned into ice…

"Now! SHATTER!"

… Before shattering into tiny shards. The shards flew towards the four shinobi at an incredible speed, deflecting kunai and shuriken on their path. One of the four jumped in front of the others and blurred through five hand seals.

"Water release: Water formation wall!" The water in a nearby creek flew up and created a barrier, stopping the shards from reaching their target.

Then the barrier froze two.

"Oh shi-!" The man was cut off by Ketsueki, armed with two blades of ice, seemingly teleport through the ice and move at speeds surpassed only by Maito Gai with his gates, Itachi Uchiha and the Yondaime hokage.

None of the enemies saw their barrier split into rectangular blocks…

O. O. O.

"Wow. Just… just wow." Midori shook her head. "You guys would do this. Just because I'm a little girl, you decide to send only two people after me. Wow."

One of the shinobi scowled. "From our research, we have deduced that the Yuki is more dangerous, so we have allocated our resources as such."

"Well, since I'm so weak, you guys wouldn't have trouble killing me, right?"

"Indeed-!" The man was cut off by a barrage of kunai, flung from every direction. He turned around and saw mud constructs around him, flinging muddy kunai and balls of mud.

"Wind release: Breakthrough!" A massive gust of wind blew away all the projectiles, shooting them back at the mud golems.

Midori frowned. She had hoped that the barrage would be enough to take out the two, but they blew it away. Maybe if she used heavier projectiles and trapped them first?

"Mud release: Bottomless mud hole!" The two shinobi immediately started sinking into mud and quicksand. Hands made of mud rose up to drag them down faster.

This was a better version of the well-known "Swamp of the underworld". Only usable by people with mud release, it drags people down at incredible speeds and suffocates them.

"Now!" Midori shouted. All the mud golems started shooting out massive chunks of earth at the trapped shinobi, who could do nothing to defend themselves. Kunai and shuriken would not be heavy enough to deflect them, and their hands and fingers were trapped in mud and stone.

"Not as dangerous. Huh." Midori turned around and started walking away. "I guess you guys have learned your-!" The girl was cut off by a dozen sharp streams of water flying at her. She quickly focused her chakra and shot some mud balls from the ground, which managed to absorb the deadly ribbons.

"So, you're still alive?"

The only surviving man snarled. "Damn you! You killed my friend!"

Midori just shrugged. "I mean, he was going to do the same to me, and I'm so much cuter."

"Die!" The man unsheathed his dual wakizashi's and dashed forward. As soon as he reached Midori's exposed back, he swung the blades with all his strength. But instead of hearing the satisfying sound of metal on flesh, he heard the gooey splat of hitting mud.

"Heh. As if I would fall for that. Ya gotta try harder, man." Midori smirked from behind her assailant. "That was basically the first tactic a ninja learns. Never expose yourself for an attack."

The swordsman growled. Rather than talk back to the bloodline girl, he turned around and flung some kunai before dashing in again. Midori blocked the knives, but he was already in front of her, blades ready to cut and tear…

...and was promptly crushed by a large boulder. The mud golem that threw it melted back into the earth.

"It's not my fault people these days have horrible situational awareness. Hmph." Midori puffed her cheeks and walked away. Maybe she would check out the newbie's fight.

O. O. O.

"One person? Seriously?" Naruto sighed. Idiots.

"I could say the same about you. Honestly, you look like a genin!" His opponent threw up his arms in protest.

"Actually…"

"No. No. Do not say you are a genin."

"I was gonna say I'm actually an academy student." Naruto gave a cheeky grin.

The only real ninja there gave Naruto an unamused look, as if to say, "Don't joke around."

"But I am!" Said academy student protested.

"Well in that case, I feel sorry for you. Why are you out here?"

"I was bored."

"..."

"..."

"Never mind then." The ninja sighed. "Look, kiddo, I really don't want to kill you. I've got a policy of not killing kids. On the other hand, I was ordered to stop your two friends," the man pointed at Ketsueki and Midori. "So if you decide to leave with your life, I won't stop you."

Naruto thought about it for a moment. Well, he wasn't thinking about what the man said. He was thinking about ramen.

"If I leave, will you buy me ramen?"

"... no."

"Hmm." Naruto thought some more. "If I beat you in a fight, can I get ramen?"

"Well, you could probably loot my body and take the money to buy ramen yourself, I guess." He joked.

"Really?" Naruto looked like Christmas had come early… if the elemental nations had Christmas.

"Uh… yeah? Hehehe…" The still nameless man chuckled nervously.

The blond boy facing him grinned. "Yay!"

Then he disappeared.

CLANG!

The still unnamed man barely managed to block Naruto's kunai with his own, the sound ringing through the forest.

"Shit! Are you actually trying to kill me?" Naruto's opponent shouted in shock.

"Well yeah! You told me I could have ramen if I did!" Came Naruto's childish reply. He leapt backwards, grabbing handfuls of shuriken out of hidden storage seals on his arms and flung them at his enemy. A large burst of water shot out of the shinobi's mouth and deflected the cloud of weapons, sending them flying back at Naruto, who ducked to the side before charging back in. He swung his kunai at his enemy, who dodged backwards.

Then his chest got grazed.

"Wind manipulation? So good as well! His wind blades reached a good thirty centimetres forward. If I had been a bit lazier, I would be dead! Shit!" The man shouted out the last part as he tried to dodge the invisible blades of wind that came slashing down at him.

Naruto on the other hand was annoyed. "Jeez, I knew he was good, but seriously! He must be jounin level at least!" On the other hand, Naruto hadn't gotten hit yet either. His fighting style was simple on paper. Sacrifice all forms of defence for maximum mobility, unpredictability and burst damage. In practice, however, it took extreme skill to pull off, however with centuries beforehand to hone his reaction time and instincts, Naruto was effectively the ultimate DPS unit.

… But an eleven year old's body will still never match up to the well trained body of an elite jounin. Naruto did get close though, with his 8 gates strength training and Kyuubi-enhanced regeneration boosting his strength to levels no preteen should have access to. It was enough to keep up with the enemy ninja, but not enough to overcome him. "Maybe I should show off some of my tricks…"

The man smirked. The overpowered kid could barely keep up. Well, the boy could react in time, but apparently his body couldn't keep up.

It was only because of his instincts that the man didn't die there and then. When Naruto struck again, the Kiri ninja jumped backward and flung some shuriken at the defenceless boy, when suddenly he felt his body telling him to move sideways.

He listened.

So instead of being bisected by a suddenly triple length wind blade, he only had a large chunk of flesh get cut off from his left arm.

"FUCK!" Quickly, the jounin body flickered backwards while blasting a high pressure stream of water at the wind manipulator. He used the time he bought to cut off a chunk of fabric from his clothes and wrap it around the large wound.

"I mean, at least my arm isn't cut off." He chuckled grimly, then grimaced in pain as he forced his body to duck to the side, narrowly dodging another meter long blade.

Naruto on the other hand was having a blast. He hadn't fought someone properly in a long time other than his clones. The last time he had fought someone like this was against a stray devil, back in his home universe! Granted, the stray was quite weak compared to others he had fought before, but he did only have a bit of energy manipulation and his pathetic physical prowess…

… well, he was comparing it to Great Red's, but the point was that this fight was fun.

His opponent had other thoughts.

"Hey! Can you, like, stop fighting me for a sec?" The man implored with a sheepish grin.

"Why?"

"Well, you see, all of my teammates are dead right now."

Huh. Naruto looked around. Apparently, Midori's opponents had disappeared, if you discounted the pile of mushy human in the mud, and Ketsueki's enemies were covered in so many senbon that they looked like the paths of Pain, if the paths of pain were covered in blade inflicted wounds and encased in ice.

"Look at my ice sculptures!" Ketsueki waved at Naruto, then pointed to said ice sculptures.

"... huh…"

"Yup. And also, wouldn't you like it if you got a reputation? I mean, someone with your skill definitely deserves an A rank threat level, or at least a B rank one." And I want to keep living went unsaid. The man didn't know how far the wind blades could truly extend, and he had no intentions of finding out.

"Yeah yeah, blah blah blah, I'll let you go." Naruto grumbled. He didn't want to fight anymore. He was too hungry to care. He just wanted some ramen.

"Well, if we're gonna stick you into the bingo book, we're gonna need a name." As soon as the man said this, Ketsueki and Midori quickly scooched over, eager to finally find out their teammate's name.

"Hmm…" Naruto thought for a moment. "Oi, Kurama. You got any suggestions?"

"Just use your old name and be done with it. I want to sleeeepzzz…" The Kyuubi started to snore.

"Jeez, lazy old fox. Fine." Naruto sighed. "You can call me Trihexa. It's not my real name, but why would I tell you what it is, anyway?" Ketsueki and Midori both started crying.

"Huh. Welp, see you, hopefully never!" The jounin cheerfully waved at him before jumping away.

Naruto grinned. "Ramen time!"

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

A/N:

Sorry I'm late.

I was lost on the road of life.

Reviews are like sign posts, they show me the right way.

If you review, I will get inspired to write faster!

…

Writer's block seems like a dumb excuse authors use. Then you experience it yourself, and then you die.

Also, my beta disappeared, so yeah. Gotta use MS word spellcheck.

SO REVIEW! MAKE ME NOT DIE! WORSHIP THE LOG! AND REVIEW MORE!

*Chapter 5*: Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Big stuffs will be happening soon! In like 10 years! Unless I manage to write faster.

O. O. O.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

2 weeks after the first mission…

"Slurp. Slurp. Slurp."

"How does he eat so much ramen?"

"I know, right? He eats more ramen than you do pocky!"

The two shinobi and one child were sitting in a private booth at a ramen stand in a small village near Kirigakure. They were meant to meet with an informant, the so called "Weasel-kun" that Midori kept talking about.

"Slurp. I don't see how a civilian can get information from Kiri of all places. Slurp. Sluuurp." Naruto kept eating ramen. It had been a few days since their first mission. Because the rebels needed reliable information quickly, Mei had gotten him and Ketsueki to accompany Midori to see her friend and their informant.

"Weasel-kun isn't a civvie!" Midori shouted back.

"Really? Slurp. Munch."

The girl with mud release frowned. "Well, he might be…" she relented. "But he's still super cool!" Midori desperately tried to defend her friend.

"Hn. Yeah. I guess he's ok." Ketsueki commented.

"Slurp. Careful there. You sound like a stuck up Uchiha, and let me tell you, you do not want to be like them. You'll never be able to walk again!" Naruto waved his arms around while eating his ramen. "The stick up their asses is so long it could be a third leg!"

Ketsueki ignored him. "So, Midori. When do you think "Weasel" is gonna get here?"

Midori thought for a moment. "Well, he said around ten in the evening, so he should have been here five minutes ago."

"And five minutes is the most I will be late for." A mature male voice spoke from the entrance of the booth.

"You're late!"

"I guess you don't want the pocky that I bought for you."

"Noo! My pocky! I'll do anything!" Midori pleaded like a little girl asking someone for food. Naruto thought she sounded a bit pathetic. His next thought was that he was a hypocrite. Then "Weasel" stepped through the door and into the light, and all food related thoughts disappeared.

"Holy shit! Itachi?" Naruto stared at the now revealed Itachi in shock.

"Naruto?" Itachi frowned. "This is unexpected." It was quite a dramatic reveal, with the two parties staring at each other.

Then Naruto turned back to his ninth bowl of ramen and started slurping it up again.

"…Sluuuuuuuuuurp. Munch. Slurp. What? I'm still hungry."

"…"

"…"

O. O. O.

"So let me get this straight. You met Midori at a pocky store and found that you liked her because you both have similar interests. So you decided to help her out by spying on Kiri." Naruto clarified. The boy had finished eating his dozens of bowls of ramen and was now chewing on some dango.

"Hn" Itachi nodded with a stick of pocky in his mouth.

"And you have found out that Kiri knows where the rebel base is, and they are preparing to attack in two days."

"Hn."

"And Sasuke likes tomatoes." Naruto didn't even bother trying to hide his smirk.

"…hnn." This "Hn" was stretched out. Clearly Itachi did not like telling Naruto this fact.

Or maybe he just hates tomatoes. Who knows?

O. O. O.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He had a sudden urge to kill his brother more than normal. He also felt like throttling Naruto.

But none of it mattered, because there was a ripe, delicious tomato in his hands. It was homegrown, too.

O. O. O.

Itachi shuddered slightly. Sasuke was eating tomatoes again. Why couldn't he have a good little brother that ate sweets?

"Now I know what to bribe him with if I don't want to use my blackmail material… Hehehe." Naruto chuckled quietly.

"Naruto. I also have information that you may want to know." Itachi stated emotionlessly. He tried to ignore the fact that Naruto was blackmailing his brother.

"Hmm? What could be more important than Sasuke liking tomatoes?" Naruto looked up at the older teenager.

"It is about your… ahem, furry… problem…" The Uchiha intoned.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "I'm not a furry! Wait…oh, that furry problem. I'm listening." The Uchiha beckoned Naruto to come with him outside the stall. He followed.

"There is a group called Akatsuki. It is currently hunting the bijuu, for reasons unknown to me."

"So? I'll just kill them."

"It is made up of nine S class nuke-nin."

"What?" Naruto's reaction was warranted. After all, a single S rank ninja could do anything from taking out squads of ANBU to crippling a hidden village singlehandedly. To have nine of them all leave their missing and join a single organization…

"Can you tell me more?" The Kyuubi jinchuuriki narrowed his eyes. He could not afford to make any mistakes when dealing with them. He was not strong enough to beat an S class ninja yet.

Itachi nodded. "You should be able to find some of their members in a bingo book. All Akatsuki members work in pairs. The first duo consists of Deidara, a missing-nin from Iwa, and Sasori of the Red Sand. Sasori is in a puppet body called Hiruko, and he uses extremely deadly poisons. Deidara can make extraordinarily powerful bombs and can shape them. He can fly with some of them. The second pair is Kakuzu and his partner. Neither are listed. Kakuzu is, according to others, practically immortal. His partner is a skilled kenjutsu user. (A/N: This is that unknown guy mentioned in chapter 322). Then there is Leader and his partner. Konan has blue hair and wears a paper rose in it. I would assume her powers have to do with paper. The leader is called Pain. He is stronger than everyone else, perhaps even combined, and has six bodies. He also possesses the rinnegan."

"What! The rinnegan is gone! The last person to have it was the Sage himself!" Kurama raged in Naruto's mind. For a bratty child to have his father's eyes…

"Well, it seems like someone else has it. Can you tell me what it does later?"

"Fine, but only because I do not want to get caught by these people. I can beat them, but you cannot." The fox grumbled.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, you big rabbit." Naruto then shut off the connection before Kurama could say something. He could feel the bunny-ehem, fox rage at him.

"Naruto?" Itachi patiently asked.

"Yeah, I got it. The guy has a rinnegan. Who next?"

"The last two people. Kisame Hoshigaki, the Monster of the Hidden Mist. His chakra is said to equal the Ichibi, and he is physically the strongest. His blade, Samehada, can eat chakra. The last person is me."

"You?" Naruto frowned.

"Yes"

"Then why aren't you trying to capture me?"

Itachi sighed. "I am acting as a spy for Jiraiya and Hokage-sama. You are not allowed to speak of this to anyone, or I will personally hunt you down and kill you."

"Oh."

"I believe there is another, real leader behind the scenes. He wears a spiral mask and calls himself Madara Uchiha, though I doubt it truly is the man. He still does have a sharingan, and he can teleport and go intangible."

"That must be the man that freed me from my last container and controlled me. I want to kill him." The Kyuubi snarled.

"Yeah, okay. My question is, how did you reopen the connection?" The blond boy raised an eyebrow. Mentally.

"…Keep talking with the Uchiha brat! I don't exist! Connection? What connection? I'm not the Kyuubi, I'm a figment of your imagination!"

"...sigh."

Naruto then turned to Itachi. "So to recap: There are a bunch of missing-nin after me. A guy has the rinnegan. And Kiri is planning an attack."

"Hn."

"Oh don't you hn at me like that. I know what you're thinking."

"…hn"

"DIE!"

O. O. O.

A few hours later, at the rebel base:

"Shit." Mei Terumi growled angrily. "Of course Kiri wouldfind out where our base is. Ao. Plans. Now."

Ao frowned. "Hai, Mei-sama. Our options are to stay here and wait for them to come. We can ambush them here and trap them against the cliff. In theory, a single well-placed jutsu could easily finish them off."

"Yagura could easily and stop it, then massacre us. Next." The rebel leader grunted.

"We could just escape and find somewhere else… except that wouldn't work. They have hunter-nin that can track us, and we would have to leave behind most of our supplies and the old or injured men and women. Hmm… Perhaps we could… no, that wouldn't work. How about…" The man with the eyepatch paced around the room, attempting to find a way out of their predicament."

"Ao." Mei suddenly stood up and grinned savagely. "You're thinking too hard. Instead of running away and trying to defend, why don't we just hit them first? Midori-chan did say two days, after all. If we attack them right before they hit us, we will be able to strike when most of their forces are away. And besides…" Mei sighed, looking more exhausted than she had ever been before. "I'm tired of all this hiding. If we delay any longer, we won't have any resources left, nor will we have the shinobi. And then we will never find out what actually happened to Yagura… Ao."

"…" Ao turned around to face his leader. "Yes, Mei-sama?"

Mei closed her eyes. "Go and get ready. We are to invade Kirigakure within two days. Prepare everything for the final fight."

"Hai." Ao disappeared in a shunshin.

O. O. O.

Unknown (Somewhere underground):

"Report."

"The Kyuubi jinchuuriki is not at the academy. Since we have not been experiencing childish pranks for a week now, I believe he is hiding somewhere in or near the village, presumably for a new prank."

"Humph. Find him. We cannot have Konoha's weapon unaccounted for."

"Hai, Danzo-sama." The Root agent disappeared in a shunshin.

"Hmm." Danzo sat there for a moment, thinking about life.

…Not really. He was thinking about how to annoy the Hokage. Then again, that was his life, not that he would say it out loud, or in those words.

Then the Root agent reappeared in the room.

"What are you doing." The mummy narrowed his eyes.

"According to the agents that have come back, the jinchuuriki is not in the village. Our sensors have not detected him, even though they are spread out across the whole of Konoha."

"Hmm." Danzo thought of a new idea for his life. "If I tell others about the jinchuuriki's current condition, I will be able to discredit him. But how do I make it so the others do not find out about my Root? Hmm…"

O. O. O.

Academy:

"Now class, we will be having our strength training session now." Iruka spoke to his class, minus Naruto.

"Aww." The kids groaned back. Even Sasuke had added the trademark "hn" of the Uchiha. Except Naruto. But they all stood up eventually, complaining and moaning the whole time. Except Naruto.

Where was he, anyway? Iruka had heard the fangirls talk about how his favourite blond brat – and most hated one – had left on a training trip, or something like that. He ignored the girls moaning and licking their lips while talking about how Naruto was going to be extremely fit when he came back.

He also attempted to ignore the fact that most of them were eleven or twelve.

Keyword: Attempted.

Luckily for the teacher, he was distracted from his painful thoughts by a suppressed chakra signature suddenly appearing behind him. It was probably an ANBU. The only reason why he knew the person was there in the first place was because he was a sensor.

"Hokage-sama has ordered you to meet with him at once." The ANBU stated with an emotionless tone.

"Okay…?" Iruka was puzzled. Why would the Hokage need to see him? He hadn't done anything wrong, had he?

Meanwhile, the class was cheering. They didn't have to do the extreme training!

Well, until the assistant teacher shouted at them. It wasn't Mizuki. He had gotten himself executed a year ago for extreme retardation of the S class variety.

O. O. O.

At the Hokage's office:

"Why did you want to see me, Hokage-sama?"

Hiruzen sighed. Danzo had gotten it in his bandaged head that Naruto disappeared. He had tried to reassure everyone that his favourite boy was still here. Sadly, that meant he had to ask people to come to his office and ruin his Icha Icha time.

"Was Naruto in class today?"

Iruka frowned. "Now that you ask, no, I have not seen him today, nor the last few weeks."

The Hokage widened his eyes. Then he said the word that all Nara's were famous for using.

…

…

Hopefully everyone knows what it is, cause I'm not saying it.

"Hokage-sama, do you know why Naruto isn't here?" A confused Iruka asked.

"No." The elderly man desperately tried to suppress his rapidly paling face in front of his subordinate. "Do you have any ideas?" Little did the chunin know that his superior was looking for an excuse idea, not an explanation idea. The leader had known something was wrong when his crystal ball couldn't find the blond child. It meant that either Naruto had learned to suppress his chakra and the Fox's completely (unlikely), or he was outside of the village (much more likely).

"Well, I heard his fangirls gossip about him. They thought he went on a training trip." "They also thought about other things, things no preteen should think about."

Ignoring the teacher's shuddering, Hiruzen thought about what he knew about Naruto for a moment. The boy liked pranking and getting stronger but disliked going to the academy because "History is booorrrriiinng. Why can't we learn about how to shoot fireballs? (In truth, Naruto already knew how to do that. Just not in the usual way.)

"I do believe," the Hokage started, "that young Naruto might be trying to train by himself. You know how he hates learning "pointless" things at the academy and only wants to get stronger. Well, either that, or he's trying to set up a large prank." Both men shuddered. Naruto's pranks were evil.

"Yes, well, if that is all, then I'll be going back to class. Otherwise I fear what the kids will do."

"Hehehe…" The Hokage had long since stopped listening, finding his student's work of art more entertaining. Iruka turned around, saw the Hokage blushing and giggling like a little girl, saw the book, wiped his mind, and walked away.

The ANBU sighed. Her leader must have been exceedingly stressed, to start reading his porn before the chunin had even left! Not that she would volunteer to help the old man relieve his stress. She had a good enough lover in Hayate, and banging her leader, who was also 68 years old, would just be weird.

O. O. O.

Later at the council meeting…

"Any luck on locating the boy?" One Mebuki Haruno asked. Unlike her pink haired sister, she had been a kunoichi for a time, and was much more understanding of Naruto's situation. After her sister and a group of other, well, fox haters had been arrested for assaulting a child, among other reasons, she had taken over the spot on the council.

"Well, I do believe Naruto has gone to try and train by himself. He has stated on many occasions that he finds the academy courses boring and wants to get stronger by himself." The Hokage used his excuse and prayed to the holy Log that Danzo wouldn't do anything.

"Hmm. That's good. Then do you know why I keep hearing rumours from the higher ranked ninja? Ones that talk about how the jinchuuriki has left the village?" Danzo killed the Third's hopes and stuck them in a blender.

"Now that you mention it, I've also heard these rumours." One of the smaller clan heads recalled.

"Yeah!"

"Me too!"

"Although I trust Hokage-sama," Danzo said this with a sneer, "I do think we should check to see if the jinchuuriki is really here, just to assuage everyone's doubts."

"But how will we find him?"

"Why not use Hokage-sama's crystal ball?" The aged Koharu suggested. "I've seen him use it to find the boy many times. What do you think, Hokage-sama?"

The Sandaime Hokage sighed internally. "I guess I can't avoid this. I'm just going to see if I can lesson the fallout. Hmm, I guess we could do this."

An ANBU brought over the man's crystal ball. He tapped it a few times, poured some chakra into it, and waited. It did not home in on Naruto's location.

"Just as I suspected, the Jinchuuriki is out of the village." Danzo didn't even bother considering the other option. It was practically impossible anyway. And he was right.

"How about you check places he could be?" One of the council members asked. The crystal ball suddenly displayed a picture of Iruka's class doing One Punch Man – I mean, extreme training. Then it moved to Naruto's apartment (temporary base and spare storage area for ramen). The council looked at empty cups of ramen, empty bowls of ramen, and open cupboards full of ramen. There was also a carton of expired milk and some rotten vegetables.

The ball's screen moved to the Fourth Hokage's head. No Naruto here. Finally, it flashed through all the training grounds, from the third one, with the three tree stumps and a wild Kakashi standing in front of the memorial stone, to the Forest of Death, with its locked gates and the central tower. One of the doors were open.

"Hopefully it was a random jounin, and not one of the koalas. If they got smarter and learned to do other things, like open doors and use chakra…" Everyone in the room shuddered at once. Even the ANBU, Danzo and the hidden Root operatives.
O. O. O.

Lord Koala the Tenth frowned. "I sense a disturbance in the force," the koala said in koala speech. "It is watching me…" The animal turned around, stared at the place where the crystal ball was watching him, and exploded.

O. O. O.

"Did that koala…?"

"Nothing happened!"

"But-!"

"NOTHING HAPPENED!" All the shinobi, and some of the civilians shouted at the unfortunate man.

"Well… it does not seem like the Jinchuuriki is in the village, doing "private training" or preparing for pranks. Perhaps I trusted you too much…" Danzo said to the Hokage.

"I will send a tracking team after the boy, if he is outside the village." Came the Third's stern voice. "ANBU. Go and get tell these people to see me in my office. Kakashi Hatake, Tokuma Hyuuga and Zaji. This council meeting is now adjourned."

Once everyone had left, Hiruzen sighed again. He wondered about how many times he had sighed that day, but then dismissed the unimportant thought. He had managed to stop anything extremely bad from happening by showing that he cared about Naruto, thus his decision to send two elite jounin and a well-known sensor after the boy. However, Danzo had succeeded in planting the seeds of doubt in the minds of the council members. He wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of rumours soon popped up about how he had managed to lose Naruto and how he couldn't be trusted with making the big decisions in the village if he had lost the boy he that he saw as his own grandson.

"Sigh… I'm much too old for this. I hope Jiraiya comes home soon. Log knows I need the distraction…"

O. O. O.

4 hours later, Hokage's office. Again.

"So, Hokage-sama, what do you want me to do?" Kakashi Hatake, son of the legendary White Fang, suddenly appeared through a window. The Third sighed… again.

"Why can't you use the door?" The ruler grumbled.

"Heh." Kakashi gave his signature eye smile. "Sorry I'm late. I had to-"

"No, no, you're not late." Hiruzen grinned. "In fact, you're early!"

Kakashi stared at his leader in amazement. "W-what!" He squeaked in shock.

"Yep." As if to accentuate the fact, the other two people showed up.

"Hokage-sama." Tokuma Hyuuga bowed.

"Hokage-sama!" Zaji grinned. He then turned to the other two. "So, you guys are my teammates? Better not slow me down!"

"And a chunin is saying that to two elite jounin because…?" Tokuma coolly stared back. He was very intimidating.

"Now now, Tokuma-san. Don't bully the poor kid." Kakashi gave his signature eye-smile, his previous shock disappearing as if it had never existed. On the inside, however, he was still attempting to process what had happened.

He had come early.

From the corner of his eye, Kakashi spotted the Hokage trying – and failing to hide his amusement.

"That evil bastard." The cyclops glared at his elder. "In the name of the log, I shall punish him!"

"So!" The Sandaime got the attention of the other three shinobi. His trolling face was immediately replaced by a blank mask, while his hands speed through the hand signs to activate the privacy seals. "I have chosen you three to go on an S rank mission. Naruto Uzumaki has disappeared from the village. Your job is to locate and retrieve him. You are not allowed to harm the target. Questions?"

Zaji frowned. He knew who the kid was. Heck, nearly everyone above the age of fifteen knew. Unlike many others, he held no ill will towards the young jinchuuriki. He wasn't harmed much during the Kyuubi attack, since he didn't really have any friends, and because he was an orphan. Thus, he was calm enough to know that the container was not the beast, unlike many of his colleagues. He only had one question.

"How did the boy leave the village. I thought the boy was monitored constantly."

"That is something you must find out." Translation: I have no log-damned idea. "If that is all, then…" A scroll flew from the Hokage's hand into Kakashi's. "You are the team leader. Do not let me down."

"HAI!"

As soon as the three left, the God of Shinobi sighed and puffed on his pipe while taking out a small orange book.

"I'm too old for this shit." He grumbled, before his nose started bleeding and he started giggling like all old perverts were wont to do.

"Hehehe…"

The hidden ANBU sweatdropped.

O. O. O.

Outside the office:

"Get everything ready. We meet at our target's home in one hour. Go!" Kakashi's unusually serious voice prompted the other two to rush off. Both knew that it was better to listen to the legendary ninja when he was like this.

Said ninja was taking no chances. His sensei's son had disappeared from the village, and by the log, he was going to find the boy. He flickered away from the area.

One hour later:

The three ninjas were gathered inside Naruto's tiny apartment. They were sitting in a circle in the center of the only room. Kakashi had summoned Pakkun, who was sitting on his head.

"Pakkun. What do you smell?" The dog sniffed around, frowned, then tried again.

"I smell ramen."

"Other than that."

"Well, the ramen smell is drowning out everything else, but…" The pug slowly moved around the apartment, sniffing everything. "I smell fox. I smell a lot of fox. I also smell some Uchiha and a cross between your sensei and Kushina." Pakkun reported.

"Can you follow that scent?" Kakashi asked.

Pakkun looked affronted. "Of course! Who do you think I am?"

Zaji snickered. "A pug."

"Hey! Pugs are great! We can smell, we can give messages, and we look cute too!"

"Now, now, that's enough." Kakashi's voice made him seem relaxed, however a look at his face (what face? The mask?) and body language told any experienced shinobi that the copy-nin was extremely tense. "Pakkun, find where the scent leads to. We will follow you."

The pug nodded and ran out of the apartment, with the ninja close behind.

O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O.

A/N: I'm dooooooooooooone.

Hey, maybe I can write faster someday.

Maybe

Hopefully.

As I said in the title, big stuffs will happen in the next few chapters if I ever get around to writing them.

Also, I post my current status on my profile, so you can check if you want.

Pls review, I need them.